NOT THAT I CARE A SHIT!!!

Amsterdam, 25-12-2007. X-mas time and alone in my house. I presume I could have been at Amanda`s house with sweet, little Charlotte, our daughter, in my lap enjoying Amanda`s good food and a cold beer on the table ready to get consumed. Could have spent it with my family in the south but I threw these poeple out of my life ages ago so let`s forget that part of my past too. In the end I`ve always wanted to be alone, the way I feel most comfortable and at peace. Well, peace is something far away from me these days, even alone I still seem to be bereft of that elusive concept called peace. Bad dreams follow my waking hours like they have something to prove or maybe a message to get across. I have got no idea and, honestly speaking, have come to a point in my life where I do not care a shit!!! I have long ago decided to reject the close proximity of loved ones in my life. Maybe these fucked-up years in the boarding school where I grew up, maybe the years in South/East Asia, these crazy thai prostitutes that I fucked in their hunderts or even in their thousands and that now torment my sleeping world.....The wide eyed looks of the Hindus that even now after all those years since I was there, still follow me around....Most likely though, it`s because of the booze I got addicted to somewhere along the ride!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Like I said before, NOT THAT I CARE A SHIT THESE DAYS...