Thursday, December 18, 2014

The impossibility of a pee pee affair

                                                  Amsterdam, 18 dec. 2014.

Hurrying home on my iron invention, pedalling the pedals like mad, the headwind trying so hard to discourage me, a sleet rain in my face doing a serious job to convince me otherwise but Pas De Chance here, images in my head as always at this miserable time of year, in between trips to more hospitable climates and more enjoyable social companionship of the female gender, braving the elements and boredom of life in Amsterdam in winter...

Waking up every night in my chaotic old Amsterdam house in the dark of the night, the countless portraits of my dream world reminding me of places and foregone times,

Were Lord Morpheus was just mere seconds ago doing likewise in his limbo kingdom...

Stumbling to the toilets in the dim light of my bedside candle, side stepping the jars of dirty water containing ageless brushes once donated by good old Dad, drawings and sketches aplenty of nude models from the dusty corners of my f*cked-up crazy alcohol wrecked mind, my throat dry and sour from cheap Appie Heyn table wine - too much again of course as always at this freaking time of year...need a piss but my painful erection telling Pas De Posibilité, erotic dreams originating from times long gone and over making a simple Pee Pee session a impossible affair...

Shit, still a full three weeks and twelve hours of flying to go before paradise is back upon me...

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

My unobtrusive dream world

Colorful faces from the private territory of my brain mass, the female faces from the past, a past of sleazy bars in South/East Asia and dirty beer joints in backward African dictator ruled garbage can countries where social security was a far away reality, the rich west an unobtainable dream for most of my fellow drinking buddies whether they were male or female, my white skin a certain proof to my financial status and therefore an asset for picking up the dark snatch possessed obsessions of my crazy Mzungu mind, my Farang dreams of wed Asian pussies easily fulfilled for real because of my fat wallet...

Back here in Amsterdam they come back night after freaking night to visit me in my unobtrusive dream world where Lord Morpheus rules and where I have no power over the way I had dominance over my bed partners in these third world nutcase places...

Ungodly in every way but my horny so much younger body screamed for fullfillment with a inner voice so hard to ignore...

Monday, December 15, 2014

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Vulcan logic dictating my life

                                                     Amsterdam, 11 dec. 2014

My real strength probably comes from a perfectly easy to understand maxim, a bit like being completely honest to myself and deceive all others, many edges to this crazy state of mind and most likely won't gain me much respect from those deceived, so much harder to raise a few steps on that ladder of popularity among friends and acquaintances, working colleagues and those I am interacting with on a day to day base...

But then I am not really into it for glory, control or glamour, power over my fellow human kind doesn't either appeal to me, nor do riches beyond imagination, not even feeling superiority to these equally self-deluded peers of my race and existence, just being clinically and cynically self-interested and mildly surprised I get away with it, almost slightly disgusted that those around me have some sort of misguided genuine faith in my personality and f*cked-up character...

Considering all this it is only simple rational Vulcan logic there is no need for all the above in my life, simple Vulcan logic therefore dictates I can afford to be just and honest in my dealings with my contemporaries...Pas De glory, Pas De glamour, Pas De fianacial shit or power, Pas De deceiving therefore...

Mister Spock is right, only Vulcan logic remains...