A schizophrenic zone of complete nuttiness

Holland, Amsterdam,
30-04-2010.

My thoughts are still ruled by my Thai Hot Mommas, stupid uneducated Isan peasant-turned-whores to some who will quite willingly spread their legs to any fat-bellied Khee Mau Farang carrying a fat wallet and horny to the max. Yeah a deep depression is setting in here in my crazy alcohol-destroyed mind, a one way first class ticket to mental hell and beyond, entering a mental schizophrenic zone of complete nuttiness, fear for what I have done to my inmortal soul...the Thai concept of Kharma, carrying your sins to your next rebirth or as the English saying goes "What Goes Around Comes Around".

Today is a rainy and chilling Dutch Queen's Day but I left the house anyway, happy to be away from the female Thai spirits that rule the lonely and self-chosen solitude of my excistence, knowing that on a normal day my time at the Anne Frank House selling my games will at least keep my mind free of worries and a crazy Guilt Complex brought about by my numerous contacts with these poor creatures of the night...however nowadays they seem to follow me to every corner of Amsterdam, hiding in the misty outback of my gray brain mass, coming to the front whenever they feel like it, mental torment and a array of in-skull screamed accusations seem to be their tools for a strange revenge...

Poor Moo on her stupid beach chair looking at me with glaced over eyes that carry the imminent arrival of Death coming back and back in detailed images, Ohn's messy death just a day before my arrival to Pattaya...all of it having been pushed to the more darker and dustier parts of my Farang mind coming back with unbelievable clarity...other female contacts from ages ago make an unexpected appearance with the speed of a flash of lightning...

I paint naked Thai women with a crazy determination, feeling like a monk in a praying cubicle and surrounded by cans of acrylic paint, surrounded by my artwork, like being obsessed...

I work like a mad man at the animal farm for children, my volunteer job that requires hard work for hardly any pay but is supposed to improve my Kharma, my mind set on my part of the daily work, totally oblivious to the visitors that normally I always have a friendly little chat for, like a mad men obsessed with his chores...

I really have to seriously ponder on a new destination for my next trips considering the impact of Thai Isan females have on my fucked-up mind, personal involvement to the max I would name this dilemma I seem to have entered...