Prefabricated bullshit

Holland, Amsterdam,
20-04-2010.

Feel a bit like being locked up in the house, painting all day like I am in some sort of haze, or maybe back in the "ZONE", the zone That painters and autors talk about when they are filled with inspiration, full with words and images, it all has got to come out no matter what, one way or another...never mind the good weather outside, the queue at the Anne Frank House and the subsequent money I can make there...

No it is Tuk, Jiff, Joy and all the other countless Hot Mommas that walk the Pattaya boulevard hunting for Farangs, sex in exchange for a few notes of reddish-colored hunderd Baht notes - lady not have money, what can lady do? As the saying goes - Their bodies that gave me so much physical pleasure and their mouths that gave me so much Yak Yak Yak...It is them that rule the mental processes that go on inside my head

I still can sense and hear it all here in my house in Amsterdam, or when I am sitting in the sun at The Anne Frank House - not that there is much business going on with all the planes grounded - locking myself up in my house instead like a monk in a prayer cell, hearing their voices in my head...the prefabricated bullshit, lines they give every Farang boyfriend, a bit like the hastily scribed papers they have at hand when I see them in the internet cafes chatting with their Farang men in faraway Farang countries, lines that come down to only one thing...a bit of money to make ends meet...undereducated Thai females who are smart enough to make themselves a bundle on lonely and ungly Farang males who are too old to get female attention, let alone free pussy in Europe but living on a substancial pension....easy prey for Thai Hot Mommas...

If ever I do manage to sell all this colorfull art I will at least see some of all that dough back I brought to GO-GO bars and bordellos the world over, some undeclared money, black as coal, spending it while sitting in public places with a questionable reputation, listening to the lines of love coming from heavily lipsticked local females, prefabricated bullshit to rid me of my hard-won Dinero in exchange for female companionship, a few hours of steamy hot sex before they disappeared from my live but not from my fucked-up and booze and drug destroyed mind...

Getting close to my fifties, still alive but with my youthfull energy gone - maybe they took that TOO - and my mental neurons in a hopeless and chaotic state, my friends a bunch of alcoholics and druggies, spending my early mornings in the homeless centres drinking free coffee and eating the ocassional leftover free breakfast...