A sudden wave of sadness

Thailand, Pattaya,
06-04-2010.

Watching a catwalk inside the Pattaya Festival shopping mall I feel a sudden wave of sadness engulving me, having a hard time to keep my tears from spilling all over my sun-tanned cheeks. It is all coming back to me, my emotional attachment with all these ladies of the night I have come to know so well over the long years of coming to King Bhumipol's Asian realm, the girls I picked up at the Marine Disco when I was much younger, all the Hot Mommas working the boulevard, walking up and down hoping for customers to pay the necessary bills - no social wellfare in the Thai Kingdom, just corrupt cops wanting their part of the lady's shorttime trade money - all their stories and hopes, their dreams of being taken to a far-away Farang land, some white-skinned sugar daddy taking care of them while they look after the inevitable Leuk Kreung babies...their downfalls and subsequent addictions to booze and drugs, Yaa Baa an easy way out of a working girl's misery...Meakong whiskey a good but short oblivion to mental distress...

A sudden wave of sadness caused by my emotional attachment to a lady like Miss Ohn whose messy death only a day before my arrival - was the devil himself playing tricks on me here? - caused so much havoc to my Farang mind, whose image I thought I saw, like she was showing herself to me one last time before passing over to the other side...letting me know all was well...wishing me good luck in this life time before my own inevitable end will come...

A sudden wave of sadness caused by my emotional attachment to a lady like Miss Moo whoso last image is still burned on my rectina, lying there on her beach chair, her frele and emaciated body pining away caused by countless STDs, the horrors of full blown AIDS ravaging what was once a great female body, her lustreless eyes looking at me without meaning or emotion, just waiting for the inevitable end and being fully aware of it...poor Moo who was always ready to stand up for herself, always ready for a fight, ready to face the whole world, wh*re tough to her very core but with a Chay - heart in Thai you know - bigger than my crazy mind can encompass, my sister in Thailand who is now facing a something even she can not win....if she hasn't gone to Kingdom-Come already...

Was it her death that just caused that wave of sadness, made my eyes water like the Niagara waterfalls, would make sence considering her avanched state of physical deterioration...or maybe an emotional attachment caused by the downfalls of countless female Thai connections over a long period of time, stories during long and nocturnal drinking sessions on the boulevard, countless modelling sessions in my room followed by bodily intercourse of the more intimate kind....sweaty and satisfied aftermath Yak-Yak-Yak, the sort of love talk after the s*x was good between two people who "clicked" to begin with.....

A good thing I am going home soon!!!