Lord Buddha is still smiling

Holland, Amsterdam,
09-04-2010.

When you die, you cease to be!!! or so they say. Does that mean that everything I have experienced in this chaotic life of mine will cease to be as well??? Everything therefore will be obsolete when I cease to be??? Or is there a deeper meaning to the scheme of things happeninmg in my dark and crazy life??? If so it is still beyond me, no understanding of the how and why...

Nor are the reasons behind Ohn's messy death or the image of poor Moo pining away on her beach chair, the final stages of full blown AIDS upon her, her dead body soon to be transported by Songtheaw to the nearest Wat for creamation the Thai way, thousand of Farang men, young and old, fat and ungly with sweaty beer bellies or maybe handsome gym-enhanced Farang male muscles banging away at her Isan body...not understandable to my fucked-up Western trained Farang mind...

Never could she have imagined it was gonna be like that when she ran the dusty streets with the other kids in her native village near Buriram, a plaything, a sex slave for Western males hungry for Thai pussy, the Thai pussy they had heard so much about in the bars back home...her role in her life...a life that might well be over allready...and to what purpose...

Didn't it go the same way for poor Ohn who also came to Pattaya young at heart and body, a female hard body for sale with an undereducated Asian mind that was full of hope...maybe a handsome young Swede who would give her a couple of Leuk Kreung children in faraway Stockholm - a place she had hardly ever heard about - or maybe a millionaire's son from the fabled United States with a constant need for "me take care you good", but in the end never came about...the only real thing coming about in her life were the booze and Yaa Baa addictions that ravaged her once good looks and left her in a hopeless state of mind...

My mind keeps wandering back while I make my Mandala games in front of the notoriously long queue in front of the Anne Frank House, my first day back in the Amsterdam streets trying hard to sell my funny little self-made games, my one-man street business that will have to bring in the dough for next year's three months in King Bhumipol's crazy and mystical Asian realm...

And Lord Buddha???...well, he is still showing me his strange and incomprehensible smile that I can capture in my sketchbook but still find inpossible to understand...