An Austrian sex tourist in the making

Thailand, Pattaya,
26-01-2010.

His face is pinkish and bloated by too much alcohol consumption, King Chang doing a serious number on him, and while the blue veins on his sweaty brow twitch in anticipation he tells me I am a miser on information wanting to know all about the Pattaya Hot momma scene....

His name is Joachim though no Thai in the whole wide world can pronounce that so he has reverted to Joe and has been in Bangkok for a year trying "hard" to learn Thai - one word a day - and trying equally "hard" to work up the nerve to get to Pattaya having heard all about the bar scene, the bordellos aplenty in Walking Street and the GoGo dancers...Por el amor de Jesus, how hard can it be to hop on a bus and do the aproximately two hours by comfortable air-co minibus to this Farang Male Kingdom in southeast Asia.

I have a strong suspicion he has been pumping other old hands to Thailand for just the same info, scared witless to get away from buzy but safe Khao Sarn Road, getting blasting drunk on Chang Beer every night while nervously dragging on his treasured Marlboro, dreaming of cheap s*x late at night in the privacy of his room, probably going Chakwao in the night...

Should I really tell this s*x tourist in the making about the most intimate details of my life, disclose ghastly things happening in Pattaya or maybe just plain and simple tell him about the prices shorttime or longtime and the juiciest details he can make up for himself which seems too complicated anyway...maybe better I freak him out with my prison tales, my bareknuckle boxing experiences, Muay Thay competition in dark and dank bars in Bangkok's seedier districts making the Baht the hard and bloody way...maybe something nasty about alcoholism would be in better order here.

I bet he is the sort of bloke who in his teenage years was used to white selfconscious girls who wouldn`t let him get anywhere near him but took him home to meet the inlaws to be instead where Mum would "spoil" him with self-baked cookies that tasted like crumpled old newspapers and weak tea with and aftertaste of catpiss while Dad would look at him disapprovingly, his eyes telling him don`t sit on that sofa we have just shampooed the uphosltery, or something similarly nasty...

Maybe he was a capitalist lackey who saved up enough dough to sing it out here for another year, getting Khi Mau - way too drunk - every night and a capitalist hangover in the morning, postponing the reality of his wed Pattaya dreams to another day...

Now, I met Joachim in the Gecko Bar when first I arrived to Bangkok and again when I returned from my short trip to Ayutthaya and Lopbury and though he was so keen to come along with me, the "expert", the next morning, he never actually showed up at my hotel which probably was a good thing since I have no doubt he would have been a good pray for even the most inexperienced Hot Momma on the beach!!!