Fire-works.

amsterdam, 31-12-2007. Last day of the year, last evening before 2008 will start. Time a conceptual thing, Down Under the new year has already started. Most of the aussies should be blind drunk or well on the way going into the new year blasted and waking up with a hang-over on the first day of the new year. Has happened to me countless times. probably not this time, though. I plan to have a easy evening and a good night`s sleep so I`ll wake up early and do my volunteer job at the animal farm with no head-ache. Time, yeah, well, for us it exists on a watch or the clock tower. Nature will find out once again about the way we human beings experience time, birds will fly around in absolute panic, animals on the ground will hide in their burrows in fright, fish will try to bury themselves in the mud that covers the bottom of their watery world scared out of their wits. Already before the 12 o`clock midnight chimes will start, the sounds of ambulances will sound all over the place, people working in hospitals all over the world are on high alert and working overtime tonight....Yeah, we`ll celebrate the coming New Year and blast the old one to smithereens with gun powder turned into fancy fire-work, it`ll do harm to nature and humans alike but at this time of the year we as a species need to let off some steam, who can blame us???

NOT THAT I CARE A SHIT!!!

Amsterdam, 25-12-2007. X-mas time and alone in my house. I presume I could have been at Amanda`s house with sweet, little Charlotte, our daughter, in my lap enjoying Amanda`s good food and a cold beer on the table ready to get consumed. Could have spent it with my family in the south but I threw these poeple out of my life ages ago so let`s forget that part of my past too. In the end I`ve always wanted to be alone, the way I feel most comfortable and at peace. Well, peace is something far away from me these days, even alone I still seem to be bereft of that elusive concept called peace. Bad dreams follow my waking hours like they have something to prove or maybe a message to get across. I have got no idea and, honestly speaking, have come to a point in my life where I do not care a shit!!! I have long ago decided to reject the close proximity of loved ones in my life. Maybe these fucked-up years in the boarding school where I grew up, maybe the years in South/East Asia, these crazy thai prostitutes that I fucked in their hunderts or even in their thousands and that now torment my sleeping world.....The wide eyed looks of the Hindus that even now after all those years since I was there, still follow me around....Most likely though, it`s because of the booze I got addicted to somewhere along the ride!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Like I said before, NOT THAT I CARE A SHIT THESE DAYS...

Troubled dreams.

Amsterdam, 22-12-2007. My nights are still troubled by alcohol invested dreams that I would rather call nightmares but such is life, I presume....Slept well last night though, for a change that is!!! Woke up only a few times and I`ve no recollections of ghosts of the past coming out of these dark corners of my mind to torment my sleep, my sanity and mental health. Leave me turning around for hours trying to find back the peace that sleep is supposed to bring you so you`ll wake up in the morning to be able to face a brand new day. Clammy sweat soaking my T-shirt, the sheets and the pillow!!! Oh, these dreams were still there but they didn`t manage to come to the forefront of my troubled and tormented mind. Good thing because I had my volunteer job at the animal farm today, a thing I like to do, social participation the doctor from the social wellfare office called it the other day. Also telling me I`ve no reasons to come back or look for a job for quite some time to come!!! With my next ticket to Thailand in my pocket I left his office, bad dreams or no bad dreams a BIG SMILE on my face.

Paul, the old geezer.

Amsterdam, 20-12-2007. Cold and freezing cold here in Amsterdam these last few days. But cold or not mr. Paul was at the Albert Heyn supermarket behind the Royal Palace selling the Z-krant, a magazine made by and sold by the homeless. Not that Paul is homeless these days, I`ve been aware for some time now that he has a place somewhere in the Jordaan. Not that he`ll tell me where, scared that he`s I`ll pass on the info to Richard the Little Shit. These two have bad blood between them. Still Paul should have his pension by now and now need for spare change selling that stupid magazine. Unless that crazy, good for nothing Shawn is back in his house spending all day watching the BBC and drinking strong beer and Red Wine, let`s not forget port in huge quantities. Paul affirmed my suspicions and told me the "poor man" got a job for a demolition company but went through his lower back on the very first day....hahahahaha... what a good laugh. The man hates work even more as any professional dole person here in Amsterdam. Good for him Paul, who is at least partly gay by the way, has had a crush on him for years. Now Shawn can live it up again untill the next time he has got too much port down his fucking throat and will, once again, beat the crap out of Paul. Jeez, that old geezer should know better, how many times has he been beaten up by him, mon, I tell you, he even lost his house some years ago because of that english shit!!!

A bottle of Red Wine instead.

Amsterdam, 15-12-2007. Just managed to get rid of that Little Shit, Richard. He was already here a few days ago together with Rob trying to get % Euro out of me for some stolen/found labtop. These tomcats are always in need of money and I`m starting to get really pissed off with their endless visits to my house with their street found/stolen shit. An old crappy bicycle or huge color TV. Their endless quest for pot, beer and God knows what else. I was supposed to have a date with Wilma tonight, the aruban lady I met downtown last week. She even phoned the animal farm to get a message across to me but didn`t want me to come over to her place tonight. Instead she said we should meet at the same place we met last week. So once again I refused the attentions of Miss Great Tongue Kisser and decided to spend the night in the company of a bottle of Red Wine instead!!!

The gathering of the starling nation.

Amsterdam, 10-12-2007. I`m getting fit again and I can feel it!!!Four laps today around the park late afternoon and with the "starling clans" gathering above me in their favourite sleeping trees. Every late afternoon they gather in my neighborhood, together in their thousands, rumour has it they are actually polish, having come over to Holland to winter here while our own starlings are in England wintering there. Whatever, it`s quite a sight and keeps me amused while I try to do my work-out. While I run my laps and with the rain getting heavier and the starling nation setling down for the night, the Westerpark "Brotherhood of Drunks" too look for shelter underneath this little roof covered camping table. I`ve been there myself half drunk on cheap supermarket beer, blowing pot and often much earlier in the day.

Headache day.

Amsterdam, 09-12-2007. Headache day, I always have a headache after hunting all night downtown. No doubt due to the copious amounts of Red Wine I like to consume during those nights. I actually started drinking that gorgeous stuff when I came home from my volunteer job at the animal farm. Two bottles and two siesta later, and by that time late at night found me on my bike cycling to the city centre. Wilma from Aruba was a GREAT tongue kisser - and that at the bare in full view - and fun to be with. She told me she loved the way I spoke Papiamento and agreed to come home with me but while she was on the toilet I went home alone. Too much Red Wine I guess.....

Life as I know it.....

Amsterdam, 07-12-2007. So strange but at the same time funny, life can be!!!Although I am only in the early stages, things don`t look all that glum for me in the coming summer. I`m preparing but things can still go any one way. Stay away from the Westerpark Brotherhood of Drunks and my chances are good!!! Get back to the coffee shop shit and I might well loose it all. Not only my house and my sanity, but even life itself!!! Or at the very least life as I know it.....

Better and cheaper beer.

Amsterdam, 06-12-2007. Nearly back a week now and spending my time making Indian Games for the new season, daily cycle trips through the city and late afternoon runs in the Westerpark. I still miss my sigarillos but i take solace in the fact that that feeling will pass, eventually anyway...Instead I try to get my kicks by drinking cheap but cold beer during the evening. The beer they sell in the Spar supermarket opposite my house, is shit-for-nothing beer. So I usually buy the Vaandel beer from the Dirk an de Broek at the other side of the park, this brew is even a cent a can cheaper!

Joland`s usual portion of shit.

Amsterdam, 02-12-2007. Life got the better of me last night and I went over to see Rob, one of the members of the Gang of Evil Brothers. I wa not really surprised to find Richard The Little Shit at his place as well. The Little Shit is homeless and he and Rob go way back, all the way to childhood actually. With Rob blind drunk and probably on more than only King Alcohol, I heart the latest street stories!!!Sounded like Jolanda got her portion of usual shit only the night before. She was on my mobile several times that night but I kept breaking the connexion. Maybe the stupid woman would be much better off with a good dose of the clap!!! Then you only need to take your peneciline to get of it. It takes more than peneciline to get rid of Rob and Richard!!!

My sanity.

Amsterdam, 01-12-2007. A painting in my house, not even a good painting, a reject I might say but still.......Something to kewep my sanity on.......I know I `m back in Amsterdam and therefore sanity is difficult. Still I`ll have to stick to it, whatever comes out of it. I`m back to that what I like to call my base.....Back to sanity but in Amsterdam I don`t really know what sanity is anymore/in these days....Sanity comes out of a God`s playground. But the Gods, they have no feeling for poverty and all that comes with it!!!

Duisburg.

Duisburg/Deutschland, 30-11-2007. The overnight train from Warsaw to Duitsburg had a 70 min. delay which suits me fine because it means a full hour off the waiting time for my conexion to Amsterdam, still three hours to kill here in Duisburg, though. Arriving at Duisburg I was actually quite surprised at the enormous amount of Fahrgaeste - commuters, you know. - running to catch their train. I feel like I am in a chicken house that has been invaded by a fox with the chicken running wildly in absolute despair. I watch this creazy mayhem for a while before entering a small cafeteria for a cup of hot coffee. Outside the station I see the pigeon populaqtion of Duisburg waking up to a slight rain. Are they off better than those commuters I saw just minutes before?

Varszava Centralna.

Warsaw, 29-11-2007. Like any other big railway station the world over, Varszava Centralna is a gathering place for alcoholics and the homeless, the rejects of society. Plastic bags freom local supermarkets serve these people well for carrying their belongings. The foul body smells mixed with the odours of unwashed clothes would have made me puke only a few weeks ago. However, all the endless city walks I`ve been keeping myself busy with these last three weeks have greatly improved my health. I have no doubt that after a couple of good nights of sleep in my own bed back home, will make me realise exactly how good all that walking has been to me, to my body and to my mind.

Young people.

So what has happened to me on this trip? Meeting all these really young people travelling across Europe by train and bus the way I used to do when I was their age. Now that was a strange experience. I mean they are all so young, just like me then! Hooking up and getting involved. Pairing!!! Most of them will probably never get as far as I did. I presume they`ll get offspring and settle down, not going through all that extra-european shit I eventually had to get through, I did very consciously chose for that though...The Crazy African Years, the Mad Gringo Tales in Central- and South America< the south/east Asia Puta-Shit and the Chaotic Life that came out of all that crap once I moved back to Amsterdam. The gods move in mysterious ways and mty fucked-up mind must be a favourite playground for them.Let`s see if they allow me to get back to Amsterdam tomorrow.....

Going home soon.

Warsaw, 28-11-2007. Tomorrow`ll be leaving time, my day of departure. Back to my beloved Amsterdam. Back to the Gang of Evil Brothers, oh I know for sure that those crazy shits haven`t forgotten me, they were even on my mobile with all their shit and more......Still, that is part of my excistence!!! But the trip was GREAT!!! Doing new things, seeing new places and all that. I managed to kick once again Miss Shitty Mary Jane but not King Alcohol, the booze. But then the booze never really bothered me. That part of my life I can handle. It is the pot that I can not HANDLE!!! Yeah, going home seems good to me, new shoes, mon....

Krakow.

Krakow, 27-11-2007. Only four hours in Krakow can hardly be enough to see the whole place. Still I made the city of Krakow a daytrip today. Two and a half hours by train arriving at noon and having the return train to Warsaw at 16.00 h. Krakow is covered by a white blanket of snow and more snow coming down even now while having a cup of java at the local McDonald`s. The snow comes through my already totally worn out shoes and chills my feet. What can I do? I really wanted to see Krakow before this trip is over, so I`ll have to endure the cold feet. But it is nice to see Krakow, the city centre with the spacious market square, Wawel Castle and the old jewish quarter. Yes, Krakow gets a good rating from me, cold feet or not!!!

Warsaw.

Warsaw, 26-11-2007. There is a happy hour downstairs in the bar of my hostel, 7 Zloti for 2 big pints but draught beer always gives me a headache the next morning. Still headache or not, I`ll be back there tonight because the bar maid is blond and looks great, always a good attribute when you are female and work in a bar!!! The weather today is shit with heavy snow so small wonder that all the streetsellers in the hystoric old city that were so abudant yesterday, were nowhere to be seen today. The soviet`s gift to Poland "the Palace of Culture and Friendship"is an ugly looking monster and has got a sinister feeling to it!!! Even more so late last night when I saw swarms of hunderts of black crows flying around it. The sounds of these birds and the very sight of it, gave me the creepy feeling I was in some sort of horror movie.

Thai prostitutes and polish women.

Warsaw, 25-11-2007. Lying on my sleeper in an otherwise empty compartment of three bunk beds, in the dark with two luke warm beers in my belly, the kha-denk kha-denk of the not-so-fast moving train trying to lull me to sleep. But Morpheus` arms do not want to embrace me tonight. Instead my mind, as so often before, is tormented by memories of the past. Thai prostitues scream at me in their hunderts, their erstwhile beautiful faces distorted by hate and rage, thier once good looks ravaged by all the alcoholic parties their many farang boy-friends wanted them to participate in. Their bodies, once nubile and attractive now destroyed by numerous Vds and AIDS. I`m overwhelmed and scared out of my wits. When finally I wake up in the early morning, my body is covered in clammy sweat, the sheets of my sleeper/couchette are soaked with it. The train`s attendant is knocking on the door informing me of the train`s imminent arrival at Varscava Centralna offering me a cup of strong coffee and a sandwich courtesy of the Polish Railway Company. Warsaw, a new destination in my life. Already these crazy thai putas are disappearing to the darker and hazier corners of my fucked-up mind. With my good mood returning, I wonder what polish women will be like!!!

Freedom....by Andra Bojti, sculptor of "Freedom".

Are we still able to stop and meditate? To be glad and daydream? To be fond of the ancient power of water and wind? Are we able, to want to associate ideas if today`s sculptors offer ideas and visual thoughts to be associated? Should we stop or keep running? By which may we gain more? The glass object swimming in the water and bearing the reflection of its environment embodies our desired freedom. As a giant bird it would like to take wing just now and to forget about every trouble on earth. Free, moved by the wind, it shows through its meditative movement that the world might also be thought of like that there may be perhaps intellectual and spiritual tasks which are more important than everything else in the drifting of every day routine. And if we stop, are we able, do we want to actively take part in the composition of the accompanying world`s movement into an image? Are we able to abandone ourselves to the joys of interactive creation? The sculpture created by the means of "minimal art" thus without instruments offers virtual image elements. Walking around the sculpture we ourselves may produce a steadily changing, film like series of images depending on our intelect and visual ability. The spectattor is not a sufferer of the sculpture but an organic associate creatorof the artist.

Goodbey to Budapest.

Budapest, 24-11-2007. Late morning in a sunny Budapest, not yet noon but on the second floor of the Central Market Hall where all the foot stalls are, people are drinking big pints of cold, local beer. Not a bad idea, nice way to while away a sunny saturday morning in Budapest! I`ll be on the overnight train to Warsaw today so a last walk around the city centre before hopping on that train seems in order! I might, after all, never return to this town that over the week I was here, I have come to love.....

Old Trabants in Budapest.

Budapest, 23-11-2007. I had way too much to drink last night, mixing beer with vino rojo and a couple of shots of whiskey to top it all off. The living-room of my hostel here must have been the witness to at least a 1000 parties during the hostel`s excistence. People from all over the world swapping travel stories while knocking down all sorts of alcoholic beverages. I am no stranger to that and happily participate. If there is one thing I really notice in the streets of Budapest, it are all the old East German Trabant automobiles. They don`t make these old cars anymore but in Budapest the streets are still full with them and I`m quite sure that Trabant buffs from across the globe would walk around this town having the time of their life!!!

A place of worship.

Budapest, After a whole morning of strolling around Budapest I cross the Dunabe river which divides Budapest and just before I decide to head back to my hostel, I find this amazing little church - the name I don`t know - which is located inside a cave, or better put; several caves interconected by electrically lit tunnels. Chairs stand around in small rows facing statues of the Holy Virgin Maria and other figures out of the bible. I consider the place amazing and sit around for a while trying to soak up the strange and mythical admosphere of this place of worship.

Enjoying life again....

Budapest, 21-11-2007. While I can, with the utmost clarity, sense how my mind is leaving the Lands Of Confusion and my health restoring itself, no doubt due to the endless hours of walking around first Praque, then Bratislava and now Budapest, I`ve started to enjoy life again. I feel like i`m back in that life I lived when I was at the end of my puberty and in my early- and middle 20s interrailing around Europe, staying in cheap hostels all over the continent, sleeping on long overnight train trips traversing Europe from east to west, from north to south. The only difference now; I`ve more travel experience, I am now more street wise!!! The highlight of today was the Central Markethall. As always when I stroll across markets wherever in the world, I need to but follow my nose and all the smells that assault it that tell me what is for sale. The meat- and fish section are of course the easiest to find. Their smells the most overpowering but also the fruit- and vegetable stalls get the attention of my nose while my eyes feast on all the human interaction that goes on at a place like this. When I move up to the second floor it are my ears that are treated to a babelonian amount of different languages. Small wonder since it`s the second floor where all the souvenir stands are located as well as all the small little eateries.

Memorial to the 1956 hungarian Revolution and War of Independence.

We shall forevr remember those who fought for freedom in the 1956 Revolution and during the repression of subsequent decades, either with arms or with the power of their spirit, to the point of self sacrifice. It is the intention of the Republic of Hungaria that this memorial should symbolise the power of desire to be free and the responsibility towards the community as well as the stabilityof hungarian society and national unity - the events of october 23, 1956 and of the revolution took place in the spirit of these values.

The Aboriginal Hostel.

Budapest, 20-11-2007. Long and endless walks through Budapest. Today it was up the hill to the Buda Royal Palace. Good views up there all around in every direction, and at least this place did look like a castle. Not like the castle in Bratislava which was not a castle at all but a bunch of big houses built smack on top of the hill above the city. With the name of my hostel being the "Aboriginal Hostel" it is small wonder that most of the guests are from Down Under who spend all day on walk-abouts and the evenings in the hostel`s living room watching DVDs and knocking down bottle after bottle of local beer!!!

A soup kitchen in Budapest.

Budapest, 19-11-2007. The new shoes I bought in Amsterdam before setting out on this trip, are nearly finished already due, no doubt, to the cobblestone alleys of Praque and Bratislava and the endless walks I`ve made in these cities. A fashion I intend to keep up here in Budapest as well. The main streets of Budapest are broad, lined with trees and the majestic buildings I already noticed yesterday when walking from the train station to my hostel. I see numerous small and little supermarkets, privately owned and, I am sure, making most of their provits on alcoholic drinks and tabacco products. I found a soup kitchen on the square behind my hostel but the line of homeless queueing up so long and those in the queue so incredibly smelly I quickly gave up on the idea of joining for free soup!!!

Budapest.

Budapest, 18-11-2007. Leaving the small and cozy city of Bratislava behind and heading for big and hectic Budapest today. the trip by train only took two and a half hour with fields and meadows before the hungarian border and and endless forests once the train had crossed into Hungaria. Budapest looks huge with majestic looking houses that have at least four storeys, some of which have nice pastel coloring but they all look like they could do with a new layer of paint. From what I have seen of Eastern Europe everything here looks like it could do with a bit of renovation. I might well stay here up to five days before deciding where next to go.