Sub-conscious security, an exersize in infurtility.

Holland, Amsterdam,
18 july 2010.

I wake up with a start, the usual clammy feeling ruling my white Farang skin familiar and almost comfortable after all these years, the early rays of sun light filtering through my curtains telling me the unpredictable Dutch weather has finally turned for the better, telling me it is Mandala time again, time to go the world famous Anne Frank House and sell my Mandala games, make big Dinero for my planned three month stay this coming winter in King Bhumipol's Asian realm...

That mystic Kingdom ten hours of flying from my beloved Amsterdam but in Morpheus Kingdom it only needs closing my eyes and drifting off to the dream world...that equally mystic empire where only moments ago Miss Jiff was knocking on my door and bringing in more Hot Momma models from Pattaya's boulevard but whose misty eyes told me all there was to know about their mental state, Yaa-Baa and Mekhong having taken over their mental thinking...

For a moment there in that Morpheus ruled dream world the part of my f*cked-up mind I like to call Soul Of Mercy took over, making my blue shiners water but Miss Jiff knew nothing about Soul Of Mercy, thinking only about the reddish-colored pile of one hundert Baht notes she can make selling the artwork that will come out of my Farang hands, selling it on the boulevard to the Krung Thep Amataya that come to Pattaya during the weekends to get drunk on expensive Ballantine whiskey, or else to the expat community that are talked into buying by an experienced Thai Hot Momma greedy for Thai Baht so she can pay the rent, maybe another cheap bottle of Mekhong for my nutty models and three hundert Baht for another pill of mind dulling Yaa-Baa...

I guess that for me the concept of sub-conscious security is most definitely an exercize in infurtility, my dream world almost like a physical violation that cannot be undone though I have no right to complain...after all the mental harm done to these poor creatures of the night must be even worse...yeah, let's lapp it all up and get emotionally drained yet again and eventually when my time will come I will have to remember that in Death all questions will be answered...