Kanchanaburi, 23 Febr. 2014.
Eating spicy pig colon salad with a number one bottle of Leo beer watered down with Naam Kheng to flush it away, a sizeable Buddha on a wooden shelf draped with numerous garlands of marigold looking over me and, hopefully, protecting me from the alarming number of traffic accidents in King Bhumipol's willfull kingdom, the wooden carved penis next to it with jasmine flowers further improving me good luck or so I hope while gobbling down my lunch out here in the boonies on my way to the Three Pagoda Pass, my rented motorbike which is surrounded by a herd of crazy water buffaloes faithfully awaiting the continuation of this trip...
Rumour has it the Thais believe water buffalo are immortal and after the rutting season they are supposed to mate like crazy with their offspring overflowing the Isan villages and thereby forcing the Isan clan of females to migrate to the Thai capital where the only option left for them is dancing around the infamous pole inside the many Go-Go bars in Soi Cowboy and Nana Plaza...a hard to believe story, really...
The only big tears baby buffalo story I know off is that of bar girls letter to European punters who have lost their bulshit detector and believe their holiday love is waiting on tables, faithfully awaiting their return, modest illusion while in reality they are playing the role of serial monoganists cashing in monthly on the many hubbies abroad...the buffalo sob story who has died and poor Mum is out of income, please send money my Tilac, me love only you, always truely you and only...
Been there, know that, as a matter of fact I wrote many of these bar girl letters for them, substituting bad English, German and Swedish for free glasses of Mhekong, and no to all you out there who lost Beaucoup D' Argent over these pieces of begging paper, no need to get upset, the scribes outside the Suzie Wong will quite happily take over your grievances and drill holes in my immortal soul and hurl my present coporeal body into a quagmire of Farang hell beyond your imagination, the monstous affront of cheating them out of their precious Song Roi THB per letter reason enough to come at me late at night while intoxicated to the max upon leaving the Suzie Wong, with leaden pipes and knock all my remaining teeth out, leaving me a bloody heap on the Soi Cowboy sitewalk...the main reason I always sleep over when writing bar girls letters, oh yeah and don't forget, you lovesick punters, Mum is sick and the family's only water buffalo died so please send money quick and fast. Your Tilac loves you only you and you alone!!!
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