28 Dec. 2010.
I am probably extraordinarily reclusive here in my old house in Amsterdam at this time of the year, shutting out my street contacts who only need money anyway, dough for their personal mortal queste...green colored Mary Jane leaves, little ten Euro balls of crack and cheap Appie Heyn supermarket supplied lukewarm half liter alu cans of beers, their main considerations in their daily Uitkering supported sorry lives...starting each new day with heavy coughing, alcoholics diearrhea and a liter of strong inky black coffee to chase away the dreaded hangover...
I am probably mildly malevolent to my f*cked-up Western trained Farang mind, on purpose allowing that gray brainmass of me to transport me across time and space to countries far away, to times that should have been forgotten long ago, to friends and people who had no right whatsoever to leave me in such an emotional wrecked state of mind with their messy ends, their deaths so stupidly self-inflicted...
I am probably seriously off course with the rest of mankind and, moreover, with myself due to endless train journeys, bustrips across the garbage belts of humanity's dregs, still vividly remembering the stumps of amputated beggars being pushed through the grille work of Latin American chickernbusses, beggars dressed in rags using their festering wounds to work on my Gringo empathy...looking out at worlds that were quite a bit different from my own where the social wellfare system is always an easy way to lifetime boredom....
I am probably slightly misguided feeling like the harshness of a world gone mad can be read daily in the newspapers but where traffic jams and work stress rule my fellow countrymen's lives, totally unaware of how bad things could be when your Kharma decided your birth be in the shanty towns of Johannesburg or Mumbai...in the dusty villages of dictator ruled states where social wellfare is unheard of but read about in the local newspapers and understood in a very different way as the aforementioned viceversa...
I am probably totally misunderstood when I do my blog stories...better I turn to my more serious hobbies like running in the park, my freaking around with my paint, my volunteer job at the animal farm, receiving Couchsurvers in my house, basically having a great time and enjoy my life!!!
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