The restraints of morality

Electrical currents pulsating through my half awake body, colored lights dancing inside my eyelids, my semi-consciousness doing a bad job trying to open them, I gasp for a treasured gasp of fresh air though that life's necessity in this chaotic house of mine is clammy, thick and smelly like the john in the slammer, time goes by like eternity in this limbo of Lord Morpheus...it might be seconds or maybe plain and simple a few hours of the predawn in this rainy Dutch capital before the reality of my present existence hits me...

"Promise me you bar-fine me tomorrow when you come to bar"...

Bar-fine, what bar-fine...a voice from the past, a voice out of many, a voice soft and feminine, Asian, probably thai in its origins, one out of many hunderds, small and slender softly brownish colored fingers extending toward me wanting a pinky-promise...maybe come before Demark or Gemany come, "big Tompui, me not like, like you make bar-fine me before HE come...

Just two more weeks of unpatient waiting before my departure and Pas D'Interest to spend any time at all in that sexual galaxy that is sometimes refered to as Pattaya but better known as a kingdom for single European males, where German krauts with oversized bellies speak the queen's English like it comes out of old and dusty Leo cans, where elderly Poms and Rileys knock down Chang like there is no tomorrow, where crowds of Hindu males hassel any unattached female with lustfull dark shiners and dark brown Indian hands wander to bodily female areas where they do not belong...

I am still in the capital of the Low Countries but the restraints of normality are already hitting me hard, fluttering through the field of my primitive impulses and leaving me with a reknowned sense of Deja Vu...the airport is looming close, a giant time machine threatening to send me back to the way I was, consuming me of my Dutch society inflicted flaws and inperfections, the restraints of morality brought about by a European Farang upbringing...