Fire-works.

amsterdam, 31-12-2007. Last day of the year, last evening before 2008 will start. Time a conceptual thing, Down Under the new year has already started. Most of the aussies should be blind drunk or well on the way going into the new year blasted and waking up with a hang-over on the first day of the new year. Has happened to me countless times. probably not this time, though. I plan to have a easy evening and a good night`s sleep so I`ll wake up early and do my volunteer job at the animal farm with no head-ache. Time, yeah, well, for us it exists on a watch or the clock tower. Nature will find out once again about the way we human beings experience time, birds will fly around in absolute panic, animals on the ground will hide in their burrows in fright, fish will try to bury themselves in the mud that covers the bottom of their watery world scared out of their wits. Already before the 12 o`clock midnight chimes will start, the sounds of ambulances will sound all over the place, people working in hospitals all over the world are on high alert and working overtime tonight....Yeah, we`ll celebrate the coming New Year and blast the old one to smithereens with gun powder turned into fancy fire-work, it`ll do harm to nature and humans alike but at this time of the year we as a species need to let off some steam, who can blame us???

NOT THAT I CARE A SHIT!!!

Amsterdam, 25-12-2007. X-mas time and alone in my house. I presume I could have been at Amanda`s house with sweet, little Charlotte, our daughter, in my lap enjoying Amanda`s good food and a cold beer on the table ready to get consumed. Could have spent it with my family in the south but I threw these poeple out of my life ages ago so let`s forget that part of my past too. In the end I`ve always wanted to be alone, the way I feel most comfortable and at peace. Well, peace is something far away from me these days, even alone I still seem to be bereft of that elusive concept called peace. Bad dreams follow my waking hours like they have something to prove or maybe a message to get across. I have got no idea and, honestly speaking, have come to a point in my life where I do not care a shit!!! I have long ago decided to reject the close proximity of loved ones in my life. Maybe these fucked-up years in the boarding school where I grew up, maybe the years in South/East Asia, these crazy thai prostitutes that I fucked in their hunderts or even in their thousands and that now torment my sleeping world.....The wide eyed looks of the Hindus that even now after all those years since I was there, still follow me around....Most likely though, it`s because of the booze I got addicted to somewhere along the ride!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Like I said before, NOT THAT I CARE A SHIT THESE DAYS...

Troubled dreams.

Amsterdam, 22-12-2007. My nights are still troubled by alcohol invested dreams that I would rather call nightmares but such is life, I presume....Slept well last night though, for a change that is!!! Woke up only a few times and I`ve no recollections of ghosts of the past coming out of these dark corners of my mind to torment my sleep, my sanity and mental health. Leave me turning around for hours trying to find back the peace that sleep is supposed to bring you so you`ll wake up in the morning to be able to face a brand new day. Clammy sweat soaking my T-shirt, the sheets and the pillow!!! Oh, these dreams were still there but they didn`t manage to come to the forefront of my troubled and tormented mind. Good thing because I had my volunteer job at the animal farm today, a thing I like to do, social participation the doctor from the social wellfare office called it the other day. Also telling me I`ve no reasons to come back or look for a job for quite some time to come!!! With my next ticket to Thailand in my pocket I left his office, bad dreams or no bad dreams a BIG SMILE on my face.

Paul, the old geezer.

Amsterdam, 20-12-2007. Cold and freezing cold here in Amsterdam these last few days. But cold or not mr. Paul was at the Albert Heyn supermarket behind the Royal Palace selling the Z-krant, a magazine made by and sold by the homeless. Not that Paul is homeless these days, I`ve been aware for some time now that he has a place somewhere in the Jordaan. Not that he`ll tell me where, scared that he`s I`ll pass on the info to Richard the Little Shit. These two have bad blood between them. Still Paul should have his pension by now and now need for spare change selling that stupid magazine. Unless that crazy, good for nothing Shawn is back in his house spending all day watching the BBC and drinking strong beer and Red Wine, let`s not forget port in huge quantities. Paul affirmed my suspicions and told me the "poor man" got a job for a demolition company but went through his lower back on the very first day....hahahahaha... what a good laugh. The man hates work even more as any professional dole person here in Amsterdam. Good for him Paul, who is at least partly gay by the way, has had a crush on him for years. Now Shawn can live it up again untill the next time he has got too much port down his fucking throat and will, once again, beat the crap out of Paul. Jeez, that old geezer should know better, how many times has he been beaten up by him, mon, I tell you, he even lost his house some years ago because of that english shit!!!

A bottle of Red Wine instead.

Amsterdam, 15-12-2007. Just managed to get rid of that Little Shit, Richard. He was already here a few days ago together with Rob trying to get % Euro out of me for some stolen/found labtop. These tomcats are always in need of money and I`m starting to get really pissed off with their endless visits to my house with their street found/stolen shit. An old crappy bicycle or huge color TV. Their endless quest for pot, beer and God knows what else. I was supposed to have a date with Wilma tonight, the aruban lady I met downtown last week. She even phoned the animal farm to get a message across to me but didn`t want me to come over to her place tonight. Instead she said we should meet at the same place we met last week. So once again I refused the attentions of Miss Great Tongue Kisser and decided to spend the night in the company of a bottle of Red Wine instead!!!

The gathering of the starling nation.

Amsterdam, 10-12-2007. I`m getting fit again and I can feel it!!!Four laps today around the park late afternoon and with the "starling clans" gathering above me in their favourite sleeping trees. Every late afternoon they gather in my neighborhood, together in their thousands, rumour has it they are actually polish, having come over to Holland to winter here while our own starlings are in England wintering there. Whatever, it`s quite a sight and keeps me amused while I try to do my work-out. While I run my laps and with the rain getting heavier and the starling nation setling down for the night, the Westerpark "Brotherhood of Drunks" too look for shelter underneath this little roof covered camping table. I`ve been there myself half drunk on cheap supermarket beer, blowing pot and often much earlier in the day.

Headache day.

Amsterdam, 09-12-2007. Headache day, I always have a headache after hunting all night downtown. No doubt due to the copious amounts of Red Wine I like to consume during those nights. I actually started drinking that gorgeous stuff when I came home from my volunteer job at the animal farm. Two bottles and two siesta later, and by that time late at night found me on my bike cycling to the city centre. Wilma from Aruba was a GREAT tongue kisser - and that at the bare in full view - and fun to be with. She told me she loved the way I spoke Papiamento and agreed to come home with me but while she was on the toilet I went home alone. Too much Red Wine I guess.....

Life as I know it.....

Amsterdam, 07-12-2007. So strange but at the same time funny, life can be!!!Although I am only in the early stages, things don`t look all that glum for me in the coming summer. I`m preparing but things can still go any one way. Stay away from the Westerpark Brotherhood of Drunks and my chances are good!!! Get back to the coffee shop shit and I might well loose it all. Not only my house and my sanity, but even life itself!!! Or at the very least life as I know it.....

Better and cheaper beer.

Amsterdam, 06-12-2007. Nearly back a week now and spending my time making Indian Games for the new season, daily cycle trips through the city and late afternoon runs in the Westerpark. I still miss my sigarillos but i take solace in the fact that that feeling will pass, eventually anyway...Instead I try to get my kicks by drinking cheap but cold beer during the evening. The beer they sell in the Spar supermarket opposite my house, is shit-for-nothing beer. So I usually buy the Vaandel beer from the Dirk an de Broek at the other side of the park, this brew is even a cent a can cheaper!

Joland`s usual portion of shit.

Amsterdam, 02-12-2007. Life got the better of me last night and I went over to see Rob, one of the members of the Gang of Evil Brothers. I wa not really surprised to find Richard The Little Shit at his place as well. The Little Shit is homeless and he and Rob go way back, all the way to childhood actually. With Rob blind drunk and probably on more than only King Alcohol, I heart the latest street stories!!!Sounded like Jolanda got her portion of usual shit only the night before. She was on my mobile several times that night but I kept breaking the connexion. Maybe the stupid woman would be much better off with a good dose of the clap!!! Then you only need to take your peneciline to get of it. It takes more than peneciline to get rid of Rob and Richard!!!

My sanity.

Amsterdam, 01-12-2007. A painting in my house, not even a good painting, a reject I might say but still.......Something to kewep my sanity on.......I know I `m back in Amsterdam and therefore sanity is difficult. Still I`ll have to stick to it, whatever comes out of it. I`m back to that what I like to call my base.....Back to sanity but in Amsterdam I don`t really know what sanity is anymore/in these days....Sanity comes out of a God`s playground. But the Gods, they have no feeling for poverty and all that comes with it!!!

Duisburg.

Duisburg/Deutschland, 30-11-2007. The overnight train from Warsaw to Duitsburg had a 70 min. delay which suits me fine because it means a full hour off the waiting time for my conexion to Amsterdam, still three hours to kill here in Duisburg, though. Arriving at Duisburg I was actually quite surprised at the enormous amount of Fahrgaeste - commuters, you know. - running to catch their train. I feel like I am in a chicken house that has been invaded by a fox with the chicken running wildly in absolute despair. I watch this creazy mayhem for a while before entering a small cafeteria for a cup of hot coffee. Outside the station I see the pigeon populaqtion of Duisburg waking up to a slight rain. Are they off better than those commuters I saw just minutes before?

Varszava Centralna.

Warsaw, 29-11-2007. Like any other big railway station the world over, Varszava Centralna is a gathering place for alcoholics and the homeless, the rejects of society. Plastic bags freom local supermarkets serve these people well for carrying their belongings. The foul body smells mixed with the odours of unwashed clothes would have made me puke only a few weeks ago. However, all the endless city walks I`ve been keeping myself busy with these last three weeks have greatly improved my health. I have no doubt that after a couple of good nights of sleep in my own bed back home, will make me realise exactly how good all that walking has been to me, to my body and to my mind.

Young people.

So what has happened to me on this trip? Meeting all these really young people travelling across Europe by train and bus the way I used to do when I was their age. Now that was a strange experience. I mean they are all so young, just like me then! Hooking up and getting involved. Pairing!!! Most of them will probably never get as far as I did. I presume they`ll get offspring and settle down, not going through all that extra-european shit I eventually had to get through, I did very consciously chose for that though...The Crazy African Years, the Mad Gringo Tales in Central- and South America< the south/east Asia Puta-Shit and the Chaotic Life that came out of all that crap once I moved back to Amsterdam. The gods move in mysterious ways and mty fucked-up mind must be a favourite playground for them.Let`s see if they allow me to get back to Amsterdam tomorrow.....

Going home soon.

Warsaw, 28-11-2007. Tomorrow`ll be leaving time, my day of departure. Back to my beloved Amsterdam. Back to the Gang of Evil Brothers, oh I know for sure that those crazy shits haven`t forgotten me, they were even on my mobile with all their shit and more......Still, that is part of my excistence!!! But the trip was GREAT!!! Doing new things, seeing new places and all that. I managed to kick once again Miss Shitty Mary Jane but not King Alcohol, the booze. But then the booze never really bothered me. That part of my life I can handle. It is the pot that I can not HANDLE!!! Yeah, going home seems good to me, new shoes, mon....

Krakow.

Krakow, 27-11-2007. Only four hours in Krakow can hardly be enough to see the whole place. Still I made the city of Krakow a daytrip today. Two and a half hours by train arriving at noon and having the return train to Warsaw at 16.00 h. Krakow is covered by a white blanket of snow and more snow coming down even now while having a cup of java at the local McDonald`s. The snow comes through my already totally worn out shoes and chills my feet. What can I do? I really wanted to see Krakow before this trip is over, so I`ll have to endure the cold feet. But it is nice to see Krakow, the city centre with the spacious market square, Wawel Castle and the old jewish quarter. Yes, Krakow gets a good rating from me, cold feet or not!!!

Warsaw.

Warsaw, 26-11-2007. There is a happy hour downstairs in the bar of my hostel, 7 Zloti for 2 big pints but draught beer always gives me a headache the next morning. Still headache or not, I`ll be back there tonight because the bar maid is blond and looks great, always a good attribute when you are female and work in a bar!!! The weather today is shit with heavy snow so small wonder that all the streetsellers in the hystoric old city that were so abudant yesterday, were nowhere to be seen today. The soviet`s gift to Poland "the Palace of Culture and Friendship"is an ugly looking monster and has got a sinister feeling to it!!! Even more so late last night when I saw swarms of hunderts of black crows flying around it. The sounds of these birds and the very sight of it, gave me the creepy feeling I was in some sort of horror movie.

Thai prostitutes and polish women.

Warsaw, 25-11-2007. Lying on my sleeper in an otherwise empty compartment of three bunk beds, in the dark with two luke warm beers in my belly, the kha-denk kha-denk of the not-so-fast moving train trying to lull me to sleep. But Morpheus` arms do not want to embrace me tonight. Instead my mind, as so often before, is tormented by memories of the past. Thai prostitues scream at me in their hunderts, their erstwhile beautiful faces distorted by hate and rage, thier once good looks ravaged by all the alcoholic parties their many farang boy-friends wanted them to participate in. Their bodies, once nubile and attractive now destroyed by numerous Vds and AIDS. I`m overwhelmed and scared out of my wits. When finally I wake up in the early morning, my body is covered in clammy sweat, the sheets of my sleeper/couchette are soaked with it. The train`s attendant is knocking on the door informing me of the train`s imminent arrival at Varscava Centralna offering me a cup of strong coffee and a sandwich courtesy of the Polish Railway Company. Warsaw, a new destination in my life. Already these crazy thai putas are disappearing to the darker and hazier corners of my fucked-up mind. With my good mood returning, I wonder what polish women will be like!!!

Freedom....by Andra Bojti, sculptor of "Freedom".

Are we still able to stop and meditate? To be glad and daydream? To be fond of the ancient power of water and wind? Are we able, to want to associate ideas if today`s sculptors offer ideas and visual thoughts to be associated? Should we stop or keep running? By which may we gain more? The glass object swimming in the water and bearing the reflection of its environment embodies our desired freedom. As a giant bird it would like to take wing just now and to forget about every trouble on earth. Free, moved by the wind, it shows through its meditative movement that the world might also be thought of like that there may be perhaps intellectual and spiritual tasks which are more important than everything else in the drifting of every day routine. And if we stop, are we able, do we want to actively take part in the composition of the accompanying world`s movement into an image? Are we able to abandone ourselves to the joys of interactive creation? The sculpture created by the means of "minimal art" thus without instruments offers virtual image elements. Walking around the sculpture we ourselves may produce a steadily changing, film like series of images depending on our intelect and visual ability. The spectattor is not a sufferer of the sculpture but an organic associate creatorof the artist.

Goodbey to Budapest.

Budapest, 24-11-2007. Late morning in a sunny Budapest, not yet noon but on the second floor of the Central Market Hall where all the foot stalls are, people are drinking big pints of cold, local beer. Not a bad idea, nice way to while away a sunny saturday morning in Budapest! I`ll be on the overnight train to Warsaw today so a last walk around the city centre before hopping on that train seems in order! I might, after all, never return to this town that over the week I was here, I have come to love.....

Old Trabants in Budapest.

Budapest, 23-11-2007. I had way too much to drink last night, mixing beer with vino rojo and a couple of shots of whiskey to top it all off. The living-room of my hostel here must have been the witness to at least a 1000 parties during the hostel`s excistence. People from all over the world swapping travel stories while knocking down all sorts of alcoholic beverages. I am no stranger to that and happily participate. If there is one thing I really notice in the streets of Budapest, it are all the old East German Trabant automobiles. They don`t make these old cars anymore but in Budapest the streets are still full with them and I`m quite sure that Trabant buffs from across the globe would walk around this town having the time of their life!!!

A place of worship.

Budapest, After a whole morning of strolling around Budapest I cross the Dunabe river which divides Budapest and just before I decide to head back to my hostel, I find this amazing little church - the name I don`t know - which is located inside a cave, or better put; several caves interconected by electrically lit tunnels. Chairs stand around in small rows facing statues of the Holy Virgin Maria and other figures out of the bible. I consider the place amazing and sit around for a while trying to soak up the strange and mythical admosphere of this place of worship.

Enjoying life again....

Budapest, 21-11-2007. While I can, with the utmost clarity, sense how my mind is leaving the Lands Of Confusion and my health restoring itself, no doubt due to the endless hours of walking around first Praque, then Bratislava and now Budapest, I`ve started to enjoy life again. I feel like i`m back in that life I lived when I was at the end of my puberty and in my early- and middle 20s interrailing around Europe, staying in cheap hostels all over the continent, sleeping on long overnight train trips traversing Europe from east to west, from north to south. The only difference now; I`ve more travel experience, I am now more street wise!!! The highlight of today was the Central Markethall. As always when I stroll across markets wherever in the world, I need to but follow my nose and all the smells that assault it that tell me what is for sale. The meat- and fish section are of course the easiest to find. Their smells the most overpowering but also the fruit- and vegetable stalls get the attention of my nose while my eyes feast on all the human interaction that goes on at a place like this. When I move up to the second floor it are my ears that are treated to a babelonian amount of different languages. Small wonder since it`s the second floor where all the souvenir stands are located as well as all the small little eateries.

Memorial to the 1956 hungarian Revolution and War of Independence.

We shall forevr remember those who fought for freedom in the 1956 Revolution and during the repression of subsequent decades, either with arms or with the power of their spirit, to the point of self sacrifice. It is the intention of the Republic of Hungaria that this memorial should symbolise the power of desire to be free and the responsibility towards the community as well as the stabilityof hungarian society and national unity - the events of october 23, 1956 and of the revolution took place in the spirit of these values.

The Aboriginal Hostel.

Budapest, 20-11-2007. Long and endless walks through Budapest. Today it was up the hill to the Buda Royal Palace. Good views up there all around in every direction, and at least this place did look like a castle. Not like the castle in Bratislava which was not a castle at all but a bunch of big houses built smack on top of the hill above the city. With the name of my hostel being the "Aboriginal Hostel" it is small wonder that most of the guests are from Down Under who spend all day on walk-abouts and the evenings in the hostel`s living room watching DVDs and knocking down bottle after bottle of local beer!!!

A soup kitchen in Budapest.

Budapest, 19-11-2007. The new shoes I bought in Amsterdam before setting out on this trip, are nearly finished already due, no doubt, to the cobblestone alleys of Praque and Bratislava and the endless walks I`ve made in these cities. A fashion I intend to keep up here in Budapest as well. The main streets of Budapest are broad, lined with trees and the majestic buildings I already noticed yesterday when walking from the train station to my hostel. I see numerous small and little supermarkets, privately owned and, I am sure, making most of their provits on alcoholic drinks and tabacco products. I found a soup kitchen on the square behind my hostel but the line of homeless queueing up so long and those in the queue so incredibly smelly I quickly gave up on the idea of joining for free soup!!!

Budapest.

Budapest, 18-11-2007. Leaving the small and cozy city of Bratislava behind and heading for big and hectic Budapest today. the trip by train only took two and a half hour with fields and meadows before the hungarian border and and endless forests once the train had crossed into Hungaria. Budapest looks huge with majestic looking houses that have at least four storeys, some of which have nice pastel coloring but they all look like they could do with a new layer of paint. From what I have seen of Eastern Europe everything here looks like it could do with a bit of renovation. I might well stay here up to five days before deciding where next to go.

The Bratislava Castle.

Bratislava, 17-11-2007. With these lads from Down Under gone it looks like I will have the dorm all to myself tonight. Tomorrow will be leaving time for me, Budapest will be my next goal! After my McDonalds breakfast in the old town i finally walked up to the castle. Built on a hill, the castle - if you can call it that - dominates the city with breath taking views in all directions. Unlike my aussie friends who returned to the dorm each night well after three o`clock in the morning, I have not done much bar crawling but that does not disturb me much. Maybe I will visit some bars in Budapest.

Young Australians in Bratislava.

Bratislava, 16-11-2007. A thick carpet of snow covered Bratislava this morning when I woke up. Bratislava is quite different from Praque despite its cobblestone alleys and old historical city centre. The Bratislava castle perched high on a hill, overlooks it all but I have to as yet get up there. Maybe this afternoon. My dorm at the Backpacker`s Hostel is full with young australian males who where busy getting themselves loaded before venturing out to the local night clubs last night. They invited me to beer and patatas fritas and wanted to know all about Thailand once I told them I`ve been to this Country of the Smile on several occasions. They`ll have stop-overs in Bangkok on their way back home. I happily told them all they wanted to know.

Bratislava.

Bratislava, 15-11-2007. Sitting on a bench at Holesovice Railway Station watching the flakes of snow coming down I start to get a vague idea of the day ahaed. Bratislava is my new goal, it will take about four and half hours by loacl train. Feelling easy and relaxed and drinking a few cans of local brew, I watch how the landscape, the forests and little local villages slowly disappaer under a fine white blanket of snow. Haven`t seen that cold stuff since Amanda was pregnant with our daughter Charlotte nearly three years ago now. By the time the train pulls into Bratislava Railway Station my relaxation turns into anxiety. Everything is white, cold and wet but I manage to get to the Backpacker`s Hostel and pay two nights in advance for a bed in a dorm.

Porn DVDs and meek sheep.

Praque, 14-11-2007. Mala Strana, Nove Mesto, the jewish quarter of Josefov and let us not forget, Stare Mesto are the tourist acttractions of Praque and by now i fel like i have explored them to the MAX getting lost on purpose. though it is the off season for Praque as far as the tourism industry goes, i still see hordes of tourists, some alone or in couples but even more huge groups with a tourist guide heading the group holding a colored unopened umbrella high in the air, tourists following the umbrella like meek sheep, very funny indeed....three days in Prague will probably suffice for me and i plan on going to Bratislava tomorrow, a new country a new city.....GOOD FOR ME.....more strolling around soaking up the energy, the admosphere of yet another new city. I can feel the positive effect it has on my health. No more sitting alone in my house smoking sigarillos and drinking cheap supermarket beer feeling nauseas, half drunk and stoned out of my head, getting into a semi-panic every time the door bell rings because it will be them, these drunks from the Westerpark, a plastic back in their hands full with hardcore porn DVDs which they want to sell trying to get a few spare Euros for yet more beer and joints. An old crappy bike stolen in front of Jolanda s house also will find its way to my house.

Cobblestone Praque.

Praque, 13-11-2007. The cobblestone little alleys of Praque are murder for the soles of my feet, i did buy new shoes before setting out on this trip knowing in advance the amount of strolling around i would do on this trip. I mean going around on foot instead of by taxi gives me more of a conection with the city i am in. Doing all the sights means walking from one sight to the other, i know loads of people take a cab, well, not me...Climbing the 287 steps up to the top of the Saint Vitus cathedral dragging a out of shape and totally exhausted chinese lady along, i could see all the red tiled roofs of ancient Praque. Praque, one of these lucky european cities that came out of the WW2 without getting itself bombed to pieces by either the nazies or the Allied Forces. Obviously when this city was built motorised traffic was non-excistent. I spend my evenings in the little kichennette that comes with the dorm i sleep in, drinking cheap but tasty Czech beer and chatting with the other guests. Yes, Europe has a certain charm and Prague a charm all of its own

Praque, 12-11-2007. The Praque main railway station is full with the usual drunks, the drop-outs, the homeless, the desperate and asorted poor and miserable people from the street who have nada but their booze, their tabaco and that sort of shit that has brought them downhill and where they are today. Small wonder i have my lunch and a pint of famous czech beer at the railway station. These plaes are the same all over the world, a gathering place for the aforementioned poor masses of society. The sort of people that i hang out with back home in good old Amsterdam, the sort of people i seem to have to look for when i travel, the sort of people that have brought me where i am today.....forget about the bad health, i knew from the beginning that that was the price i would have to pay. The eternal conflicts of the Happy Drunk Gang, the constant search for money to pay for all this addictive shit. every time and time and time again i tell myself this has got to come to an end. But then i am unsure again and look for comfort finding more conflict and more shit. At least i managed to walk around Praque the whole morning soaking up this typical eastern Europe admosphere, watching all there is to see, smelling the smell of these old houses, feeling the slight rain in my face and realising that despite all the shit back home, the dope and alcohol i am still travelling around seeing new parts of this beautifull world, meeting new people, going through new experiences and seeing new things.

Czech Republic.

Praque, 11=11=2007. Finally after all these years of trying to make up my mind about visiting Praque, the capital of the Czech Republic, a long time goal, a long time on my mind but i have done it.....I am in Praque....after a long but restful night in a german overnight train, couchette and all that, i am and will be in Praque planning on strolling around and just plainly relaxing, trying to overcome yet another period of heavy pot smoking and bad health, somehow the Amsterdam marijuana does not go well with my system. Arriving in Praque well after noon = hey what happened to german efficiency, i mean we were three and a half hours late, unusual for Die Deutsche Bahn. The place looks nice and old, old buildings and a maze of little and small streets and alleys cobble stoned and a difficult to define admosphere. Allthough the whole city looks in a serious state of decay - we are in eastern Europe - still it is obviously a popular tourist destination. Today in the city centre, strolling around and trying to absorb the feel of the place i was acutely aware of all these people carrying city maps, hearing them speak Italiano, Deutsch, english and even Nederlands. I am pretty sure that i will come to like this city over the next three or four days.

Definiciones....A short message from Brigitta

Podriamos tener anu discusion sobre el amor. Yo te diria que amo la curiosa manera en que tu cuerpo y mi cuerpo se conocen, exploradores que renuevan el mas antiguo acto del conocimiento. Diria que amo tu piel y que mi piel te ama, que ama la escondida torre que de repente se alza desafiante y tiemble dentro de mi buscando la mujer que anida en lo mas profundo de mi interior de hembra. Diria tambien que amo tus ojos que son limpios y tambien me penetran con un vaho de ternura o de preguntas. Diria que amo tu vozsobre todo cuando decis poemas, pero tambien cuando sonas serio, tan preocupado por entender este mundo tan ancho y tan ajeno.

LOVE.

GIVE LOVE A PLATFORM, I WANT TO HEAR IT SPEAK.

A GREY DAY.

IT IS THE CHOKE THAT TURNS EACH DAY GREY.

PROJECT HUMANITY.

THE FAILURE OF PROJECT HUMANITY, IT IS ALL AROUND US!

XXX video clips.

Amsterdam, 11-10-2007. Showing Rob and Richard a XXX video on 123video.nl was fun using my webcam i made a short video clip of them while watching the XXX clip. With both of them sky high on coke and pills - probably extacy - it was fun to see their facial expressions, but then you don`t see a bloke putting his whole head inside a woman`s vagina. Naturally i put the clip i made of them on 123video.nl, just for the fun of it. The last time i showed them a clip on internet was of a hugely fat black woman lying face down on the bed while a skinny white guy is busy clean-licking her asshole, abominable sight, shocking really!!! Still a good joke to watch though. With this sort of entertainment it speaks for itself i don`t have to pay for their beer and joints, hey, i suply the funny videos and they provide the rest, fair and square hehehehe......

WINGS.

WHAT IS THE USE OF HAVING WINGS WHEN YOU REFUSE TO FLY?

A dilemma.

Amsterdam, 09-10-2007. My problems with Miss Mj are slowly getting out of hand. Like always when i blow a lot of this exquisite lady i like to call Miss MJ, my first preoccupation and worry is my health, the way i lose huge quantities of weight, shit how do all the other visitors of the coffee shops in Amsterdam handle this problem? I mean to me they don`t look like living sceletons like me, some of them even look quite porky and that after many years of being regular cutomers of the aforementioned coffee shops!!! Of course the other problem is the financial side of it......and again i wonder how all the other people in love with Miss MJ do that???????? Quite a dilemma, stop the love affair i have with Miss MJ and take Martine out, the young girl i work with at the animal farm twice a week and who has already told me she would love to go out to dine with me, thai food has got her preference, funny because i have told her about my many trips to Thailand so maybe there is a hidden message here! However, with Miss MJ being what she is and her effect on me i have a strong suspicion this dinner date together is as yet just not done!!! The photo in this blog story is of Hannes, the newly born son of the two ladies upstairs, my neighbors.

CENTIPEDE.

IF WE WERE SMALLER WE COULD MAKE LOVE TO A CENTIPEDE.

Continueing problems with Miss MJ.

Amsterdam, 06-10-2007. Despite my continueing problems with Miss MJ and the health problems i always seem to get when i am in one of these heavy pot smoking periods of my life, i do not feel all that bad. I do suffer from serious weight loss, i have never been a fatty to begin with so i am losing body weight i cannot affort to lose!!! Everytime i plan to stop somebody or something will come up and blow my positive plans sky high to heaven and beyond, all the way out to Google Space.........Like the other day when Richard came over with a shit load of Heineken beer, how could i refuse to pay a joint for us, and when he smokes pot i smoke pot. Still it was not a bad afternoon, with the weather presenting us with a nice autumn afternoon we soon enough found ourselves back in the Kleine Parkje and by the time i staggered home i was surprised to see it was already close to 19.00 h. evening. At least a made a fine painting this week, a facial of a black beauty, my favourites as far as women go!!!

Amsterdam,

Bone`s funeral.

Amsterdam, 04-10-2007. Bone`s cremation was apperently a soory affair with all the boozers, homeless and asorted neighborhood street losers present and in the mood for a bit of fun, street fun that is!!! Stealing and fighting, Harry being chased by Leo with a wooden clog. Now,m that must have been a sight to behold, crazy Leo chasing Harry with a wooden clog....makes me wonder if there were any foreigners present....Sure as hell they must have liked the sight!!! I mean..a wooden clog, one of The Export products of Holland that all tourists to Holland like to buy as a souvenir. Yeah, well like i said..GOOD THING I DECIDED TO STAY HOME INSTEAD!!!

Adios to Bone.

Amsterdam,27-09-2007. Only a few days before his messy death did me and Rob see Bone in Het Kleine Parkje, as we call the little park here in the Spaarndammer neighborhood, reading the Metro. Little did we know than that his life was about to be over, drowning with his head heavy and high on booze and soft drugs. They all thought he died of cancer but having read the newspaper over breakfast i knew better. He died falling into the canal intoxicated and all that, apart from the fact that he was rumoured not to be able to swim, never learned it at school or later in his life. I guess he was too busy with the booze and drugs ever to have the free time to take up swimming lessons, too late now. Meanwhile my life here in Amsterdam is as chaotic as ever even though the Gang Of Evil Brothers is out and over with in my life, as a matter of fact we ignore each other whenever we happen to see ech other in the neighborhood. I am still up to date about whatever happens to them, though. Rob and Richard see to that.

Tom cats!!!

Amsterdam, 04-09-2007. I was not really surprised to meet Rob nad Richard at the Schakel yesterday when i went there for my early morning free coffee. Ending up with them in my house and drinking luke warm beer - courtesy of Rob who had just made 5 Euro removing some stuff for the second hand shop right next door. On the spur of the moment i agreed and even bought them a small box of cigarillos and even showed Richard Google Earth which i had downloaded only days before. Well now that did get his attention, Rob had already seen it a few days before. Funny thing between these two, they grew up together and though Rob is the giant and Riochard just a little shit, it is Richard who is the dominating factor in their friendship!!! As a matter of fact, whenever Richard is in jail - which is often! - Rob does good and doesn`t drink too much nor does he gets himself in too many problems. But whenever Richard is around things tend to change, fights in the park and all sorts of alcohol inspired shit happens to these two street cats. Rewal tom cats they are, streetwise and always ready for some misschief!!! The pic in this story is of my parents in their garden all the way back to 1987.

Richard

Richard, the little shit!

Amsterdam, 29-08-2007. Ever since Richard has come out of jail - he was in for three months and the way i see it, another three or even six months more would have been good for the neighborhood! - the whole drunk scene in the park has run from one disaster into the next. Fights, drunk screaming in the buurvrouw`s - everybody calls Jolanda the buurvrouw - street, problems with Frank and Harry losing his keys, yeah guys, have your fun, the scene has way too quiet since Richard was in jail. Now that he is back you can have your heart`s fun again. Yeah, Richard, that little fuck certainly knows how to stir things up. Not that it bothers me much, ever since i threw the "whole Gang of Evil Brothers" out of my house, i have been doing not all that bad, with Rob the only member of the park`s drunk occasionally coming over and telling me all the park`s stories. I only smoke a bit of pot now and do moderate drinking. Still.....all the conflicts and drunk man`s troubles.....they are mostly out of my life now......but the attraction is still there, however hard that might sound!!! The stupid and useless sitting around in the park with your drinking buddies and knocking down all that cheap supermarket beer, luke warm and all that, the constant bullshit talking and all the endless drunk conflicts. What the fuck do i find so attractive in all that that i find it so hard to let it go and live a more healthy life???

More of Kochanie Brigitta.

Amsterdam, 28-08-2007. Allthough i finished with Kochanie Brigitta at least three months ago, she keeps sending me e-mails and telephone calls. Was i that good or what??? Well, i have to admit all this attention is good for my ego but wether or not i feel all that positive about it is a different matter al together!!! Another trip to Berlin is out of the question and after all her critism about my house, i would say that another Brigitta visit to me here in Amsterdam is pretty much out of the question as well!!! I know i could call in a specialised cleaning company doing a good cleaning job on my house and she would still find something to complain about.......Have been there, have seen that....... and didn`t like it one little bit!!!

My lucky games.

Amsterdam, 27-08-2007. After several days of hardly leaving the house due to that darned attack of thin shit and running to and fro to the toilet and back to bed, i finally found myself capable of spending time at the A. Frank House. As always when i leave the house with my battered old suitcase tied to the back of my bicycle, i feel good and happy. I have come to the conclusion over all the years i have been selling these funny games that they bring me luck, not exactly my own opinion either, nearly all of my friends have told me so. I have to admit though, all of these people are street people with heavy adictions that just eats their social wellfare money like there is no tommorow, always searching the streets for something worth a few bucks, always asking people for a few spare euros, beer money my old lady-friend and mother to our daughter Amanda used to say. I meet people from all over the world when i sell my games. Even today i once again received pics from a customer she made at the A. Frank House.

Having the shits.

Amsterdam, 23-08-2007. He he, finally out of the house again selling my Mandalas. Not that the last couple of days have been bad, weather speaking that is. However, i could not leave the house due to a heavy attack of the shits. Tought at first it was some sort of side effect of all the skunk weed i have been smoking off late, i do tend to get these side effect but i believe in this special case i must have been a virus. And a heavy one at that, i had to go up and to the toilet at least twice every hour the last couple of nights. Not much sleep to be gained from that and a veryt dehydrated body in the morning but no appetite not the energy to leave the house. Today i felt like a should givwe the A. Frak House a try and mananged to sell 16 games feeling sort of okay but still no appetite. Well, at leat the craving for skunk pot is mostly gone to as well as my insatiable thirst for cheap supermarket beer and RED WINE, my favourite as a matter of fact.

Hooked again on Miss MJ.

Amsterdam, 17-08-2007. Can`t believe it but YES!!! i am most defititely hooked again...Hooked on Miss MJ also known as Marijuana, a sweet drug that makes me feel good but gets me so goddarned inactive - something that i could do without at this time of the year. I should be out a nd about selling my Mandalas, making money so i can do nice things again like going back to Thailand or, maybe, back to the chickenfarms in Cambodya....Any one way i really could do without this inactive life of lying around and smoking POT! Numerous sorties out of the house in sunny weather, time that should be spent selling games at the A. Frank House but instead i walk out of the house several times a day, to the nearest coffee shop like The Clown or the other one a bit further on right next to the new Albert Heyn supermarket, The Wow, ah yeah, that was the name. So where did this addiction come from, anyway? I suppose it all really started in India during my last stint there, when i lived like a long term freak, an alternative and chilam with charras junk. Visiting all the freak places, comfortably named by the Lonely Planet Tavel guide. Fuck you, Tony Wheeler!!! Well, i presume i would have found them even without the Loney Planet. There and then i willfully choose to get hooked and live the way of a western Freak in india, on a long overland trip and sipping Bhang Lassies, YEAH< THAT WAS FUN ALLRIGHT!!! Still when i finally came back i vowed to leave it all behind and go back to my more sportive life, well i suppose one can guess what came out of that new year`s resolution, hahahahaha.....

Bicycle messenger.

Amsterdam, 08-08-2007. Funny... found this picture of myself today hidden in a mess of medical stuff, hospital appointments and tendist`s bills, that sort of CRAP. Yeah, a was just back in Holland then having been on first bicycle trip, a two month trip from San Diego to Cabo San Lucas and regresa. When these two months were over i had become a bicycle junky, no big surprise there i guess, i mean after two months on a bicycle!!!! What do you expect? Anyway on my return i took a job as a bicycle messenger. The next five years being on and off employed as a bicycle messenger made quite an impression on me and impacted my way of thinking and and social life. This pic is made in my first year as a bicycyle messenger if i remember correctly.

The Blote Billen Parade.

Amsterdam, 07-08-2007. Great weather last saturday which was good news for the gay community in Amsterdam. It was the day of their yearly Gay Pride, formerly called the Gay Parade - or as i like to call it; the Blote Bllen Parade which roughly translates as the Naked Bum Parade. Nearly 70 boats they had this year each one populated by semi-naked gay people either male or female, all of them dancing around and waving to the spectators who have come in droves and stood in rows of 5 trying to catch a glimse of all this semi-naked skin. With the recent spree of anti-gay violence it was hardly surprising that the message of this year`s parade was one of more tolerance toward gay people. I was not really surprised to read in the sunday edition of the dutch Telegraaf that 3 gay oriented people in Amsterdam had been seriously molested in the night of saturday/sunday!!! If i was gay i would walk around with a can of pepper spray i guess.

The Blote Billen Parade..

Amsterdam, 07-08-2007. Great weather last saturday, the day of Gay Pride

Glorified long term unemployed people.

Amsterdam, 03-08-2007. Looks like the summer and with it, the good weather has finally arrived to Amsterdam. I notice it whenever i go out to the Anna Frank house selling my games, selling them like sweet pancakes, people sometimes literally rip them out of my hands.!!! Semi-police people - a sort of glorified long term unemployed person all dressed up in an uniform that slightly looks like as dutch beatcop`s garb and with no police power whatsoever - often come over to chat. One could call them losers or one could call them people who at least try to do something for society. I prefer the latter after ll.... my friends are all devotewd to Mister Alcohol and do nada but sit around in Westerpark and surroundings involved in their petty little quarrels that always are over El Senyor Poderoso Dinero, beer and por, tabbaco and bolletjes coke. Rob came over today as well, somewhere in between the glorified police people, yeah GOOD planning ROB!!! Ten Euros in his pockets were mine, he borrowed them yeaterday and a plstic bag with Nieuwe Haring, my lunch. Ten minutes after he left the glorifiers were back. Somewhere in between all this shit i had a lady from Bangladesh sitting n my lap posing for a fotograph, my hands on the rolls of fat around her mid section. Oh yeah and i managed to sell 10 games and some pulseras, that is what i have come out here to do after all.

Hard work ahaed of me.

Amsterdam, 31-07-2007. Hey, this internet stuff is working just fine. I mean like today i received a whole bunch of pics made at the Anna Frank House by one of my customers. Man, i have been selling these funny games there for years and literally thousands of people have made pics of me but despite all the promises, nada and nothing has ever been sent to me. Now all of a sudden i get 5 pics from one single customer, happy i am. Happy and content indeed!!! Not that the weather has been perfect for sewlling Mandalas, quite the contrary i would say, rain and wind are the worse enemies oif a street seller! However, weather forecasts for the coming week are finally excelent, funny because now that the weather will finally be OKAY i am nearly out of games. No problem, sir, i will just have to work a bit harder and since the last couple of days have been like a holiday indoors with lots of cheap supermarket beer and expensive joints from the Heavenly Coffeshop as well as lazely watching porn- and other movies on my telly, i think the hard work ahaed of me will suit me just fine!!!

Anna Frank and her hiding place.

Amsterdam, 18-07-2007. Looks like the good weather has finally returned to Amsterdam and though i have sold all the games i made last winter and are therefore forced to work hard making new games, i still had enough of them to make a quick sorty to the Anna Frank House where, as always at this time of year, the queue of people wasd nearing the Keizersgracht which means several thousand people all waiting to see an old derlict amsterdam house with bare walls of which the wallpaper has long since come down with a bit of Anna Frank scribbling on the old table that was supposedly there when the Frank family was there hiding from the anti-jewish nasi regime. The queue has always been good to me, 20 games i sold today quick and easy. Returning home i realised i would have to make new games for tomorrow, in front of the telly watching le tour de France. My fingers can do the work without the use of my eyes.

Teuke, the cow at the animal farm.

Amsterdam, 16-07-2007. I had quite a scare when this morning at the animal farm, i saw Teuke - our cow - walking out of its pen in the direction of her very own field. The stupid animal has been so difficult to handle off late that Magriet does not want her outside any more. However, she quite calmly walked right through, all the way to her favourite field ignoring all the visitors - mostly young mothers with little children. She did scare Arjen and Rob who were at work in "her" field out of it before starting to graze peacefull on the fresh grass. A couple of quiet hours at the Anna Frank House later in the afternoon calmed me down enough to forget about the potencial disaster earlier at the farm with that darned animal.

Friday the 13 th.

Amsterdam, 13-07-2007. Hard to believe my neighbor downstairs is having his birthday party on friday the 13 th. I am sure he is not superstitious. Not that i am but still... having your birthday party - or worse, your wedding on this particular day is really tempting fate!!! Not that i care much though the music might well continue late into the night and with tomorrow`s sun i might well like to have a good nights sleep so i can sell my games at the Anna Frank House. Today the weather was not too bad and i managed to sell 12 games, all of them at 5 Euro a piece so money was good today!!!

A giant dead squit on the beach.

Amsterdam, 12-07-2007. Found this really amazing news clip with pic in the paper today. I mean imagine finding a giant squit during a walk on the beach like the one in the photo attached! Every so often i read these stories in the paper about people who find giant squit on the beach, must be quite a shock, if not to your eyes then to your sense of smell. Sure as hell a dead squit like that must smell an hour against the wind as we say in dutch. Walking beaches all over the world i have found a few things like dead people in India and huge dead sharks as well as dolfins but a dead giant squit....NEVER, and i probably never will however many beaches wherever in the world i might yet walk on.

My old battered Mandala suitcase.

Amsterdam, 10-07-2007. I worked hard this morning at the animal farm doing my volunteer job, but i still enjoy the work even after nearly two and a half year. Magareth gave me 100 Euro this morning, not too bad for a volunteer job. With the weather being sunny and good for a change i hurried home after my work done and tying my old and battered Mandala suitcase to the back of my bike i cycled off to the Anna Fran House selling 13 games in about two hours. not too bad a day financially speaking i mean.

07-07-2007, a magical number.

Amsterdam, 07-07-2007. Now is that a nice date or what? 07-07-2007. a magical number and the papers in Holland have been writing about it like there was no tomorrow. Not that i care, i am after all, way too cynical to believe in anything at all, let well the magic of numbers! 14 Mandalas i sold today, now we are talking about numbers i like. 70 Euros i made today in a couple of short hours, and like everybody knows.... money does mean something. One can transform money in all sorts of nice things like food, booze, joints, prostitutes, sigarillos....well i am sure you get the picture! No doubt some of this money i made today will end up in the pockets of the thai Hot Mommas that ply the infamous Pattaya boulevard, in exchange for sweet sex!!! Some of it will be used for sigarillos and ice-cold cheap supermarket beer and sigarillos from the tabaconist shop down the road here in my street and maybe another 3 Euro for a mind altering joint, just making sure i will keep myself on the right track. The photo in this notice is a painting of Amsterdam made by the mother of my daughter Charlotte who is by now well on the way to her second birthday.

Money, it is elusive stuff!

Amsterdam, 06-07-2007. Two fucking teeth extracted out of my mouth yesterday, not excatly a nice experience i can tell you that. But at least it is done and over, end of story. Now the only thing i need is the weather to turn nice and sunny so i can continue selling my Mandalas again at the Anna Fank House and make some money, money i can transform into trips and beer and joints and sigarillos and tasty food and.......well, you name it, money which the spanish call EL DINERO, EL SENYOR MUY PODEROSO, THE POWERFULL PERSON. I have no powerfull things in mind with my money, just wanna do nice things for myself and use that elusive stuff to my own ends!!! Some people call it the mud of the world and hate GELD - as we, the dutch, call it as well as our neighbours, the germans. I do not hate money, just wanna have enough of it to have a good time. Be able to go back to Thailand again and give it to the Hot Mommas on the infamous Pattaya boulevard in exchange for nr. 1 bumsing. I am, however, well aware of all the evil things some people do with this stuff which really just is paper and nickle. The photo is of me selling my Mandalas at the Anna Frank House. Lets hope the weather will finally be good so i can sell again tomorrow.

A tree, or a human female - part two.

Look at the space between her legs, this tree - or was it a molten human female - even has a split there. Mother Nature having a private joke or maybe, a strange coincidence???

A tree, or a Human female?

Amsterdam,04-07-2007. Tomorrow i will have to go to the feared dentist and get two, teeth extracted, not something to look forward to but it has got to be done and that is it, shit happens!!! Prefer to write about more pleasant things in this life like my last trip to Thailand and Cambodya. The photo in this blog notice is from the weirdly shaped trees at Angkor Wat. The roots looked like some sort of pasta gone hard, a bit like molten lava. The tree itself.....could anything produced by Mother Nature look like this you might ask...well, yes, i was quite surprised myself but it really looks like a human female with her arms high in the air, her bum sticking out as though she was a black woman from West Africa - could i ever forget these black female asses sticking out like that????? i would think not. Decide for yourself whoever might read this crazy shit of mine!!!!

Finally, i knoiw how to upload photos.

Amsterdam, 03-07-2007. Finally i know how to upload photos and place them on the internet. A new chapter in my internet activities. Semms natural to me that the first photo i publish on blooger.com will be a photo from Kochanie Brigita, my latest love and already past time. Well, nothing new in that, women always came fast and easy in my life but to hold on to a relationship is something that was never my thing.

Rob

Let

SOMETHING MUST BE DONE.

LUST IS PRESSING, SOMETHING MUST BE DONE ABOUT IT.

FROM NOTHING INTO NOTHING.

FROM NOTHING INTO NOTHING. ALL THAT I HAVE EVER DONE IS BUT A DREAM WITHIN A DREAM.

DOOMED RELATIONSHIPS.

ALL HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS ARE INHERENTLY DOOMED WETHER BY DEATH OR DECLING INTEREST. SO WHY MAKE ANY KIND OF COMMITMENT?

Fire at the neighbors.

Amsterdam, 16-06-2007. The moment i hear the fire sirens i could smell smoke, close by, definitely not far away. Storming down the stairs i could already detect the fire-cars and my u8pstairs nieghbor standing in the entrance to the house, the door wide open and fire-marshals running everywhere. Well at least it was not our house that was on fire, it was the house next door, the place where the pigeon man, as i call him, lives. Only a few short months ago he was mad at me because of the television set that Rob and Richard sold him, they just found the bloody thing in the street, and did not work. Hey mon, i just helped the two geezers to carry it from Rob`s house to him, had nothing to do with the financial transaction, just made myself a few free beers helping these two streetcats out, nada mas. While i think back on that i see the very same pigeon man being carried dout of the house by the fire-marshals black all over by the soot but still conscious and, as far as i could see not seriously harmed. I fear to think about the pigeons living in the attic, i have a pretty strong suspicion they have all perished in the fire`s smoke. Wait till Rob hears about this!

Jesus Christ Superstar.

Amsterdam, 13-06-2007. Jesus Christ Superstar is really my nr. one favourite movie. saw it first as a mere kid at boarding school and already then i kneqw that without a doubt this was MY movie. But who was this mr. Jesus Crist anyway? I mean the bugger founded a religion which is not excatly my cup of tea, mon, i am as anit religion as can be. Down to earth and what is dead stays dead and never returns has always been my motto.So why get yourself nailed to a cross and endure all these pains that come with it? Was the poor sod some sort of misguided martyr or a divine human being born in the wrong time? The present time of mass comunication would have done his cause a hell of lot more good, or maybe not after all mass comunication also means people have become more sceptical, we would probably have laughed him of the world scene. People in the ancient times were more superstitious and therefore more open to new ideas. Yeah, add a bit of hatred for home and you will get the attention you want, run the risk that these same romans nail yopu to a cross and get it over with but then that might very well have been the whole idea. I mean after 2000 years and more billions of people still pray to this long-haired hippy on a daily basis. Well like i said, not my cup of tea but i still like the music of Jesus Christ Superstar.

My new position.

Amsterdam, 12-06-1994. my new postion at the animal farm is not without stress allthough now that Magriet has come to the conclusion that i am getting control she pretty much lets me do my thing and the young volunteer girl she has applied to my tuesday opening shift is dedicated and motivated, maybe a bit slow but she is getting quicker by the week apart from that we get on which is of course also important. The fact that i now get 20 Euro for each day i open gets my own motivation sky high. As for my other little bit of money on the side; last weekend was great with 85 Euro on saturday and 70 Euro on sunday and i have now passed 400 games out and sold!!!

A response from Kochanie Brygida.

Mein liebster Johannes, und ich dachte schon ichg hoere nichts mehr von
dir. Habe versucht dich am Donnerstag abend anzurufen, wollte wissen
was mit deinem Zhn los war, dann habe ich Samstag und heute dich mehrmals
angerufen. Und nun bin ich sehr froh von dir gehoert zu haben. Deine
Bekundung, dass du mich immer noch deine "liefje" bin, ruehrte mich tief
in meinen Gefuehlen. Orientiert sich das leben, die Liebe nur am
zauber? es gibt auch Realiteaten, mein Suesser. Lieb von dir, dass du mich
weiterhin sehen magst wenn ich das Beduerfniss habe. Die Erinnerung, wie
leidenschftlich und schoen unsere Intimeat bis zur letzten minute war,
und ich immer wieder gerne dich, deinen Koerper, deine Stimme,und in
dem moment auch noch irgendwelche Gefuehle zwischen uns sind, wenn wir
Liebe machen. Ich umarme dich mit viel Gefuehl in Gedanken. Deine Brygida

A letter to Kochanie Brigitta.

Amsterdam,09-06-2007. With my Polish Kochanie - which means sweetheart in Polish - gone now for several days i have my sweet freedom back which has always been the number one priority in my life and the very reason all my contacts/relationships with women have run on sharp rocks in heavy and high waves. Women who like to hang out with me always had to content themselves with perilous waters in dire straits, fact of my life, can`t help it, end of story!!! Halo liefje van mij, ja so nenne Ich Dich noch immer obschon Ich das letzte Mal das wir zusammen waren gespuert hab` das der Zauber zwischen uns leider nicht laeger da war. Trotzdem habe Ich versucht deine Zeit hier in Amsterdam angenehn zu machen. Da mit dem Klo ist es angefangen und Du hattest Recht, Ich sollte das verdammte Ding sauber gemacht habe, hatte sogar daran gedacht aber es ist mir irgentwie durch denn Kopf gegangen. Aber warscheinlich hatte es dann eine andere Sache gegeben. Ich habe Dich waehrend unsere Zeit sehr LIEB gehabt und liebe Dich noch immer furchtbar viel aber Ich verstehe auch das Ich so viel und so lange aleine gelebt habe und mich nicht laeger anpassen kann. Ich hab` die letzte drei Tage kein Contact mit Dir gemacht weil Ich alles ueberdenken wollte! Ich wil trotzdem das Du weisst das Ich Dich nicht in meinem Leben vergessen soll und Das Du immer willkommen bist in Amsterdam wuerdest Du eine Woche oder sonst weg sein muss von Berlin. Ich schicke Dir viel Liebe und alles Gute. Dein Johannes.

Something nice and exciting!

Amsterdam, 30-05-2007. Tomorrow is the arrival date of Kochanie Brigitta, yeah this polish love of mine is once agian coming to visit me. she wants to celebrate her birthday with me which i saturday so i will have to think of something to get her amused. Now just shagging her usually does the trick, i mean she is really crazy about sex any one way and any time or place but for her birthday i like to do something special with her, maybe dancing downtown, a good concert or something similar. With the good weather i will have to be out to sell my games and can therefore not give her too much of my time, therefore something nice and exciting might well be in order. She cooks for me, gives me her body and plays nurse for me as well giving me good massage, common mon, i have got to think of something nice for her birthday!!! Sold 19 games today and i m well on the way to 350 games out and sold now, not a bad start of the summer.

Jack off material!

Berlin Hauptbahnhof, 23/05/2007. Eight days of GREAT sex and the charming company of Brigitta have fuelled me up well enough to return to Amsteram, my cock is hanging in my blue jeans like a paralised limp but the feeling down there in my member is one of absolute pleasure and my head is full enough with jack off material to sustain me for the week of seperation between me and that sexy polish ladyfriend of mine, she will arrive at amsteram next week at the 31 of this month no doubt with more sex on her mind and thereby providing me with more jack off material for our next seperation, i love it!!!

Red colored lingerie.

Berlin,20/05/2007. Wow, we had some raelly good days together during Brigitta s time off from work but tomorrow she will be back off to her job and i will have time to explore Berlin on my own. My kochanie disappaered in the bedroom tonight after dinner just to reappear dressed in beautiful red colored lingerie, needless to say we were off to bed early but did not sleep untill late. Yeah, this lady knows how to turn me on!!!

The nudist beach.

Berlin, 17-05-2007. I have known for some time that Brigitta has got this favourite place of hers at a nearby lake, a little beach as she told me, frequented by people who like to soak up the sun naked and without a bathing suits. Well. i consider myself a tolerant person and have nada against the nudist` hobby of running around naked. Brigitta took me there today and although i felt a bit self-conscious at first sitting around stark naked around a bunch of other naked people, i decided to humour my Kochanie and enjoyed the sun playing our favourite game, back gammon.

Little Istanbul.

Berlin, 16-05-2007. Four days of free time Brigitta has got on her hands and she wants to spent them all with me, no complaining from me there. She takes me on a tour through the city showing me Berlin. I happily follow her around cycling behind her through a city that seems more like a turkish city with all the shop signs in turkish and all the turkish people in the streets. Wedding is actually nicknamed Little Istanbul. Turkish women wearing head scarves that are not allowed back in their home land but completely accepted here in Berlin, quite the normal thing raelly!!! With all these turks moving into Berlin, where do all the locals go? Is it like Amsterdam back home where all the foreigners move into the city and all the dutch move out to Almere and other cities nearby?

Net stockings.

Berlin, 15-05-2007. Slinging my backpack on my back with my eyes scanning the perron for a glimse of my beloved Kochanie i moved to the way out, happy to finally be able to leave the closed environment of a german train behind me and seeing Brigitta again. My hungry eyes have already seen her outside waiting for me to disembark, dressed in a white coat with black stockings - they look familiar, i bet she wears that sexy underwear of hers underneath that white coat - and shining black shoes. Her house looks great and very warm, typically female and i can feel her presence in every corner and niche, it obviously is her place. My suspicion was dead right on the mark, she was wearing that sexy tranparent underwear of hers!!! I checked it already during the short bus ride to her house in Wedding, the Berlin neighborhood where she lives. Though she had got to get up early for her work, we fucked untill well after 03.00 o`clock in the morning. When i wook up she was gone, off to her work leaving me a frigo full with food and the keys to her place.

On the way to Berlin.

On the way to Berlin,14-05-2007. A full 6 hours i will have to be in this bloody train. At least not like travelling a full 6 hours in an indian train, have done that, have been there!!! So 6 h. by train in the Deutsche Bahn should be no big problem for me. They actually have some pretty goodcomfort in these german trains and the personal is friendly although the constant "noch jemand zugestiegen, geachte Fahrgaeste?" after every stop gets a bit on my nerves. Suppose they have to do their job.

Hyper, hyper.

Amsteradm, 13-o5-1994. With the sheep getting sheared today back at the animal farm i was not really surprised Magriet and Kyung - the two managers were tense and even more hyper as usual. I just did my work and left the place at close to 11 o`clock for the Anna Frank House - finally some good weather in this city and made a bit of nice money, will come in handy for my trip to Berlin next tuesday. Only 3 days more and i will be having her in my arms again, something to look forward to.

Sex and female attention.

Amsterdam,11-05-2007. With all the rain that has been coming down here in this city lately i start to get bored and almost automatically return to the drinking sessions in the park, smoking sigarillos all day and forget all about my more sportive life, the jogging in Westerpark that gives me so much energy and gives me a healtier feeling, more convience and of course it saves me money, after all jogging is free while all that beer, even when it is cheap supermarket beer, tends to get expensive considering the huge quantities i drink. Before long the Gang Of Evil Brothers will be over at my house, no money in their pockets but with dry troats and a lust for beer knowing full well i always give in and will pay their shit-beer. Big sigh here but at least i will be of to my polish kochanie in Berlin early next week planning to stay over a week, out of Amsterdam with all its evil attractions and back to a more intresting life full with sex and female attention.

One of these nights!

Amsterdam, 08-05-2007. No more Mandala selling now that the rain has finally come to Amsterdam, not that i complain, the rain is good for the dried out state of the local nature and i have already sold nearly 250 games this early in the season!!! The money i made with my games comes in handy since i fancy a nice short trip of about a week to Berlin to visit my Kochanie. seems fair enough after her trip to Amsterdam. Made a drinking trip down town last sunday night drinking red wine untill i felt like i was gonna bust looking for backpack ladies in between the endless row of glasses of red wine but not much happening. One of these nights! With a bit of luck i will be in bed with Brigitta, my Kochanie next week!

Moslimas .

Amsterdam, 04-05-2007. Living in such a culturally diverse town like Amsterdam i see these moslimas every day of my life, and now that the muslim issue is such a big thing, i mean after 9/11 and - more locally - the gruesome murder of poor Theo Van Gogh, i cann`t but notice these moslimas, all wearing headscarfs and often even bhurkas covering their whole body. What the fuck is happening to the world around me, what the hell is happening to these moslimas? Rumour has it that dominant moslimas force their not so dominant sisters to wear the stupid head thing, shit must be hot wearing these crappy things under the present sun that rules the weather in Amsterdam and now we are talking the headscarfs let alone the bhurkas that start to appaer more and more in the streets of this beautiful city. Personally i have always thought that women pride themselves having GREAT hair, i mean they are always busy with it, just thinking of my sister who could sit in front of the mirror for hours doing and redoing her hair. Me, i just dive under the shower and wash it every so often, get a hair cut when the stuff gets to long. Ha, not the ladies, they love their hair donig and redoing it!!! I go to the local supermarket and all the moslima cassieres wear supermarket issued headwear, every supermarket has got its own color and design, yeah board of directors, i understand you wanna keep these employees happy but you ever thought of the fact it might be female unfriendly? Ah no mate, we have nothing to do with that, it is their own free choise, you say they are force by dominant brothers and older sisters? i know nothing of it ,mon, just have to show these higher up in the supermarket hierachy my sales records all the rest ain`t my business, have a salary to think about, a job to think about, know what i mean, better you do your thing at the Anna Frank House and leave me to my job, okay? How many you sold today, 11 you say, that is good mon!!!

Moslimas in g-strings.

Amsterdam, 03-05-2007. "Nothing to worry about, mate" the surgeon back at the hospital told me this morning when i showed up for my appointment and get that terrible infected wrath on my tumb removed. I was afraid they would cut it out and i would be incapacitated for some weeks doing my voluteer job at the animal farm and making new games to sell at the Anna Frank House. Instead they sent me home and straight away i was off to sell my games again. I would have been mad if not considering the good weather we had here off late, 12 games i sold and when i saw a school of dutch girls, all of them culturally different, from surinam ladies to blonds and moslimas with their typical headscraf, i couldn`t help but remember Kochanie`s words only a few days ago "a headscraf with a face heavily mascarad and wearing g-strings. When they came out in small groups waiting for those still inside while sitting down on the pavement around me i could see my Kochanie was right once agian. Sticking out from their jeans i could see g-string after g-string, the heavy mascara i had already noticed when they were still in the queue waiting to get inside.

She is gone now! My kochanie, miss Poland.

Amsterdam, 0205-2007. Ha, feel good today, as a matter of fucking fact i feel GREAT!!!! Picked her up from the railway staion all dressed up in my new clothes i bought especially for the occasion and when im saw her leaving the train, her hair blonded just for me and dressed in these tight jeans, couldn`t help but noticing that, my herat started pumping and like an adolecent in love for the very first time in life i ran over to embrace her, take her packs from her and bring her home to my house here in Amsterdam-west. What a time we had together, great sex in my bed i can still smell the lingering smell of her essence, her body and the sex we had, in my bed! It is like incence of the very best kind, expensive and premating the house, like a fine drug that takes over my mental capabilities. Queensday together in the city watching the boat parade while we had an ice-cold beer and a MJ smoke. She is just one of these ladies that are kind of hard to forget!!!!! Somewhere in between i managed to do my work at the animal farm and a few visits to the Anna Frank house selling my games. I guess it is back to normal now smoking my favourite sigarillos and drinking cheap Albert Heyn beer to pass my time, maybe a cup of soup on a rainy day at the Tweede Mijl and free coffee at the Schakel, selling games at the Anna Frank House when the sun i s out, that sort of thing. Hasta la proxima vez, mi amor de Polandia.

Ich komme, komm bitte schnell!

Amsterdam, 24-04-2007. Everything is raedy now, Miss Poland you can come! I know she is on the way, i just had her on the phone, she is at the border now waiting for her conection to Amsterdam. I bought some nice clothes like a light colored jacket, a new blue jeans and i will put on the black shoes Keola gave me years ago and i rarely wear but when i do, everybody says they look good on my! Yeah, i know, i am and sound proabably quite excited about all this, but then i have been through quite a few big loves already in my life so i tend to believe i know when i am in love. Funny, i am getting older and had started to believe that Andrea from Kassel, who i met during another trip in Mexico was my last big love in this life, just felt i couldn`t handle this big love thing, too many emotions involved for such a closed personality ike me. However, after many women and over 7 years of holding them all at bay, just enjoying thje sex thing and the company i feel i have allowed finally to let another lady enter my life. I have decided to give her a good time here in Amsterdam at my side sacrificing a few days at the Anna Frank House in the process. Now i can only wait these final last hours before heading off to the railway station dressed in my fine new clothes to pick her upand hope she will enjoy her stay.

God.

Behold the eyes of God for he is watching!

Kochanie Brigit.

Amsterdam, 23-04-2007. Busy day today arranging everything for the expected arrival of Miss Poland, kochanie Brigit, cleaning the house especially the bathroom, i do want to make a good impression on her after all! Bought a new mountain bike as well so i can take her on rides through the city and beyond. In between i found time to visit the brothers in the park, have a coffee at the Schakel and a couple of free cups of soup at the Tweede Mijl, also known as the Tweede Kwijl < don`t ask me to translate, it would be difficult. Let it sufice to say the nickname refers to the free food!>. I even found a free hour to go over to Rob and ask him to take that crappy old race bike down from my house, i am sure he will be able to sell it some place, some-one so he can transform that money into cheap supermarket beer, the man is after all a hopeless alcoholic! When all the work was done i took my new bike out on a test ride through the city smoking a sigarillo on the way back in the park with the brothers. Needless to say they were by that time all pretty much wasted, drunk as skunks and high on all sorts of drugs!!!!!! Seriously wonder if i will ever be able to let that crazy life style totally behind me? Probably not but then they call me Shiva for a reason. Somehow i always seem to be able to return to my project, my trafels and my sports difficult as it might be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The plug or the cable.

Drag the plug, pull the cable.

El Senyor Poderoso, Dinero.

Amsterdam, 21-04-2007. Ich komme.... i read in my e-mail box today when i opened Yahoo.com. She is coming this polish love from me asking me in the same e-mail if she can borrow money, women cost money my dad used to say and sure enough he was right as i have found out a 1000 times over. Not really sure what to do about it, she needs money and i have it, but then all my alcoholic friends always ask for the dough of life and never bother to return El Senyor poderoso, maybe i should give her the money for her train ticket and pay for her expenses while she is here in my city. Not too bad a idea i would say!!! Not that i lack any money at the moment, my little one-man business at the Anna Frank House is still gonig strong like hell with over 90 Euros in my pocket when i left today and 24 games sold. Still running in the park nearly every day while i see the members of the Gang of Evil Brothers sitting in the sun and getting drunk as skunks on cheap Edah supermarket beer, their lifestyles are destructive and money always a problem. Just wonder how long it will take me to return to that lifestyle and hang out with again and again, paying for their cheap beers and the joints they so much like to smoke, maybe better i let Kristin have that money she asked for and hope i will eventually get it back.

Paradise.

Oh, how we have clouded paradise!

Mayke, as crazy as they come!

Amsterdam,20-04-2007. Not all that unexpected Mayke came over to my house last night, the woman really is as crazy as they can possibly come! Working at a second hand shop she came to bring me some blue jeans asking me 2 Euros a pair. Now that is not much for a good pair of jeans but has she forgotten all the bottles of white wine i bought for her whenever she comes over to watch a movie with me? Or the bag of grass she finished last week, the bag of grass that Haico forgot a few days earlier, which meant i had to buy some new pot for him! Whatever, all these people from the park constantly need money to finance their junky life style. And of course i have to listen to all her woes about Rody, her former boyfriend, hey you don`t like the bloke Mayke don t go over to his house anymore, i would say. However she is always so busy blabbering on she doesn`t seem to hear my comments, nothing new in that but fucking together is one thing that will never happen again between her and me!!! Sold 22 games at the Anna Frank House today, a hell of lot better as the 2 games i sold last wednesday or the 12 i sold last monday.

Relaxing with a Hollister, cigarillos and ice cold beer.

Amsterdam, 17-04-2007. Last night my college from the animal farm came over to help me out with my computer, installing my webcam and showing me how to do things with this highly interesting medium. The fact that he-Haico-is as gay as they come does not bother me much, the way i see it: the more gays in this world the better. It means less competion for me with the ladies!!! Nor do i care much about all these foreigners that seem to wanna settle down in this city, do hate the way some of them try to convince us, the dutch, we should embrace or at least accept their ways. Just let me live my own life and don`t bother me with yours pls!!! At least my little Mandala business at The Anna Frank House is goning all right, sold 17 games last sunday and 12 Mandalas yesterday, not bad for a couple of hours outside in the sun. The weather was good today but my volunteer job at the animal farm took to much of my energy to go out after i finish there, instead, as usual, i bought a Hollister and a pack of cigarillos and settle down to relax, the ice cold beer in my frigo that were left over from last night helped me to relax even more.

Global warming.

Amsterdam, 14-04-2007. The news on the radio just told me that today we had yet again another weather record in Holland with the temperature being at 26 degrees celsius. Is all this bull about global warming real or not, now i ask you? Maybe some big and huge companies that have more finances that the average third world country do some super big lobbying to make sure they can continue their Earth polluting shit and keep making the BIG BUCK!!! Sure as hell the directors and managers of these super firms have more money as i can possibly imagine, a garage full with Ferarries, a billion ton yacht and houses and summer places all over the place, maybe a private jet for their many business trips and curtisans at every major town!!! Yeah, mon, that is the life and it sure as hell is adicting as well, just as adicting as my sigarillos and cheap Albert Heijn Supermarket beer!!! When at 50 or 60 plus they will suffer from stress induced bad health, they will at least have the money for a private clinic while i will have to do with long waiting lists at the public local hospital where the staff is hopelessly overworked! Today i sold 17 games at the Anna Frank House, at least i got that.