Indian Sadhu in Varanasi

Indian sadhu,
acrylics on wood

Full wallets and even fuller balls

Holland, Amsterdam,
10-04-2010.

Am I God's creation or just the end result - so far anyway - of an evolutionary progress, maybe one that is still in full throttle and is unpredictible in its outcome. If the latter is true then my actions don't bother much one way or an other...pretty much a waste of energy trying to cope with a mis-guided guilt complex about my sexual escapades with Thai Hot Mommas these last three months...no way I have to feel compassion with their wretched lives and the hardship they face trying to make a living, provide for the two or three babies back in their home village in the faraway Isan, selling their nubile bodies to Farang drunks from even further away Farang lands that they have very little knowledge about coming from undereducated families and never having had much of schooling themselves, sitting on Pattaya's boulevard with Theach-Yourself-English booklets that come at 40 Baht solo...

However if God is no myth but some sort of conceptual being inside the human mind that will turn out to be very real to whatever is left of my inmortal soul once my corporate body has turned to ashes due to cremation or else has rotten away in some nameless grave..well, yeah I admit I will have a serious problem on my hands then having to face a higher judge, having to try to convince something as incomprehensible as a God that my actions in this chaotic life of mine were merely inspired by the instincts He gave me, the instinct to procreate, the instinct to inpregnate as many females as possible no matter what the cost - forget about STDs or the HIV virus - just bang away as much as humanly possible...

Yeah, try to tell that to the catolic God who bans his followers from sex with multible partners, who wants his closer intimici like priests, nuns, freres, cardinals, and even the pope hgimself to stay loyal to him by abstaining from the physical pleasures of sex, a vow of abstinence for the faithfull who probably than will turn to pheadophily from pure physical and mental frustation...hard job I will have got on my hands after death me thinks....

Try to convince Lord Buddha who is rumoured to frown on paid sex though He himself lived the life of the fruitfull before finding his way to enlightenment after a prolonged period of meditation...yeah, well, not much of compassion or understanding there after all my non-marital affairs with his female faithfull followers in one of his more devoted realms - we are talking Thailand here in case that was unclear to you...

And what about the Islam God called Allah...don't wanna even go there...maybe something like InshAllah and lets leave it at that...

Once again I find myself in front of the Anne Frank House, sun in my face, tourist people all around me speaking a multitute of languages and once I get my mind back to working order, no more pondering about the sins in my life and the heavy price I might well have to pay when my demise is done and real, I start selling my games, more dough to commit sins in the Land of the Holy Thais and their semi-nymphomanic army of Hot Mommas, more Baht for hungry ladies of the night willing to satisfy oversexed Farang males with full wallets and even fuller balls...

Lord Buddha is still smiling

Holland, Amsterdam,
09-04-2010.

When you die, you cease to be!!! or so they say. Does that mean that everything I have experienced in this chaotic life of mine will cease to be as well??? Everything therefore will be obsolete when I cease to be??? Or is there a deeper meaning to the scheme of things happeninmg in my dark and crazy life??? If so it is still beyond me, no understanding of the how and why...

Nor are the reasons behind Ohn's messy death or the image of poor Moo pining away on her beach chair, the final stages of full blown AIDS upon her, her dead body soon to be transported by Songtheaw to the nearest Wat for creamation the Thai way, thousand of Farang men, young and old, fat and ungly with sweaty beer bellies or maybe handsome gym-enhanced Farang male muscles banging away at her Isan body...not understandable to my fucked-up Western trained Farang mind...

Never could she have imagined it was gonna be like that when she ran the dusty streets with the other kids in her native village near Buriram, a plaything, a sex slave for Western males hungry for Thai pussy, the Thai pussy they had heard so much about in the bars back home...her role in her life...a life that might well be over allready...and to what purpose...

Didn't it go the same way for poor Ohn who also came to Pattaya young at heart and body, a female hard body for sale with an undereducated Asian mind that was full of hope...maybe a handsome young Swede who would give her a couple of Leuk Kreung children in faraway Stockholm - a place she had hardly ever heard about - or maybe a millionaire's son from the fabled United States with a constant need for "me take care you good", but in the end never came about...the only real thing coming about in her life were the booze and Yaa Baa addictions that ravaged her once good looks and left her in a hopeless state of mind...

My mind keeps wandering back while I make my Mandala games in front of the notoriously long queue in front of the Anne Frank House, my first day back in the Amsterdam streets trying hard to sell my funny little self-made games, my one-man street business that will have to bring in the dough for next year's three months in King Bhumipol's crazy and mystical Asian realm...

And Lord Buddha???...well, he is still showing me his strange and incomprehensible smile that I can capture in my sketchbook but still find inpossible to understand...

A sudden wave of sadness

Thailand, Pattaya,
06-04-2010.

Watching a catwalk inside the Pattaya Festival shopping mall I feel a sudden wave of sadness engulving me, having a hard time to keep my tears from spilling all over my sun-tanned cheeks. It is all coming back to me, my emotional attachment with all these ladies of the night I have come to know so well over the long years of coming to King Bhumipol's Asian realm, the girls I picked up at the Marine Disco when I was much younger, all the Hot Mommas working the boulevard, walking up and down hoping for customers to pay the necessary bills - no social wellfare in the Thai Kingdom, just corrupt cops wanting their part of the lady's shorttime trade money - all their stories and hopes, their dreams of being taken to a far-away Farang land, some white-skinned sugar daddy taking care of them while they look after the inevitable Leuk Kreung babies...their downfalls and subsequent addictions to booze and drugs, Yaa Baa an easy way out of a working girl's misery...Meakong whiskey a good but short oblivion to mental distress...

A sudden wave of sadness caused by my emotional attachment to a lady like Miss Ohn whose messy death only a day before my arrival - was the devil himself playing tricks on me here? - caused so much havoc to my Farang mind, whose image I thought I saw, like she was showing herself to me one last time before passing over to the other side...letting me know all was well...wishing me good luck in this life time before my own inevitable end will come...

A sudden wave of sadness caused by my emotional attachment to a lady like Miss Moo whoso last image is still burned on my rectina, lying there on her beach chair, her frele and emaciated body pining away caused by countless STDs, the horrors of full blown AIDS ravaging what was once a great female body, her lustreless eyes looking at me without meaning or emotion, just waiting for the inevitable end and being fully aware of it...poor Moo who was always ready to stand up for herself, always ready for a fight, ready to face the whole world, wh*re tough to her very core but with a Chay - heart in Thai you know - bigger than my crazy mind can encompass, my sister in Thailand who is now facing a something even she can not win....if she hasn't gone to Kingdom-Come already...

Was it her death that just caused that wave of sadness, made my eyes water like the Niagara waterfalls, would make sence considering her avanched state of physical deterioration...or maybe an emotional attachment caused by the downfalls of countless female Thai connections over a long period of time, stories during long and nocturnal drinking sessions on the boulevard, countless modelling sessions in my room followed by bodily intercourse of the more intimate kind....sweaty and satisfied aftermath Yak-Yak-Yak, the sort of love talk after the s*x was good between two people who "clicked" to begin with.....

A good thing I am going home soon!!!

Police raids on Hot Mommas

Thailand, Pattaya,
05-04-2010.

With my time in this crazy Southeast Asian Big Party Place called Pattaya slowly coming to an end, contemplation is mine, getting pensive on the boulevard late at night about my trip while hungry Hot Mommas actively try to convince me a shorttime at bargain prices really is what I am looking for...they might even be right and Lord Buddha knows they need the dough with such few h*rny Farang males around at this time of year...the continuous Red Shirt rallies back in Bangkok aren't improving things much for international tourism in Thailand in general and surely not for the Hot momma trade in paticular here in the Big Male Farang Kingdom....

Police hassles late at night with ladies of the night running across Beach Road trying hard to escape police capture and a subsequent hefty 500 Baht fine for solicitation does not really improve their hungry status either...I watch from my comfortable seating place on the Dutch Bench while brown-clad officers of Thailand's finest run after Hot Mommas whose high-heeled platform shoes are no match for well-trained Thai cops whose copper minds are set on their monthly pay-off for an expensive motorbike, maybe some clothing money for the Miranoi - second wive in Thai - or just some spare cash in the police man's wallet....two police songthaews with bars in front of paneless car windows packed with slutily dressed young local women - many of which I recognise from my frequent walks up and down the boulevard, betray me that once again the coppers are the winners tonight and that their female contemporaries are getting even more hungry and desperate tomorrow after having paid the necessary fine and being released...just to return to their habitual nighttime activities....

The 7/Eleven across the road is full with scared females whose light-brown skins glow with the film of persperation caused by fearfull running on high heels, trying to look busy paging through Thai pin-up magazines, discussing the merits of different shades of make-up and lip stick but in reality having no Dinero to buy even a single cup of Java but having to sit it out inside the 7/Eleven untill Thailand's brown-clad finest decide enough is enough, our Songthaews are full, happy to know that tonight's fines will support their lavish life styles another couple of days...

Female hardship

Thailand, Pattaya,
03-04-2010.

The ladies on the boulevard are slowly getting hungry due to a serious lack of Farang clientele, with even those that hate my guts and will normally poke their tongue at me - something by the way I consider extremely funny and always produces a big smile underneath my big Farang nose, much to the annoyance of the aforementioned Hot Moomas, no free cold Leo to be gotten there though - will now actively pursue me...

For the old hand Farang population to Pattaya this is their golden time of year though...after all in the Land of the Blind One-eye is king which in this little male kingdom in Southeast Asia basically means they are the ones with the much needed cash in the Farang shorts - and something else as well packed in that garment, something that needs daily relieve by expert female atenttion that in these times of financial female hardship is easy to get...

Shoulder to shoulder they go on their popular platform shoes, empty wallets and perpired bodies but no time or dough to go back to their little rooms - even the 20 Baht for the motorbike taxi is difficult to get by - money needs to be made, no time to waste...the 14.00 h. to 17.00 h tradional break for many of these poor creatures of the night, a couple of hour back in their room for a much needed shower, a couple of hours of sleep during the heat of the day, a much wanted change of clothes...well, forget it...there might very well be a hot and h*rny Farang male about, a foreign male, old and cripled, fat bellied and only willing to depart with maybe 200/300 Baht but oh so needed for that empty wallet, that starving Hot Momma's belly...

Even the Ting-Tong Painter from Holland - crazy Moi - has stopped his daily afternoon painting sessions due to a serious painter's bloque or maybe just a dose of disinterest, getting tired of these Hot Momma invasions to my room, taking over the place as though it is they who rule the house, running off with my artwork even before I can even make a decent digital picture of it, empty walls stealing my inspiration, reducing me to yet another Cheap Charley old hand more in the mood for the usual evening chats with my Dutch contemparies on the Dutch Bench, all night drinking sessions in front of my hotel watching the going-ons in the Soi and the ocassional walk back to the boulevard for another Burmese sigar and a cold Ancha...but not all that keen on a Hot Momma rubbing her cr*tch up and down my knee, making soft-spoken sluty promises in my ear with their hot breath...absolutely unwanted hot and sweaty s*xercize...it just isn't in my vocabulary these days...

I don't even want to find a female body next to me in my room when next morning I wake up nursing a Ancha-induced hangover and yet again having ignored the nightly Knock-Knock-Knock on my door which in these days of bad and poor Hot Momma business, has become more and more persisitent...no big surprise there I presume but than I ain't the bloody Good Samatarian...just another Farang lost in Asia and soon to be back home....

The business in my Soi

Thailand, Pattaya,
01-04-2010.

Whenever I walk down the Soi Honey-Inn - the Soi where my hotel the New Star Guest House is located - I get solicited by the ladies from the Club Massage - or one of the many other massage parlours in my Soi - for simple massage, oil massage, all-body massage - well, I am reasonably sure you get the idea - for a meagre 100/200 Baht though I have been told that once inside the plain and simple massage plan will turn into something much more intimate with a couple of hunderd Baht on top of the original street price...no big surprises there though...

The ladies congregate early afternoon on the back of motorbike taxis taking their place outside on top of huge stone tables which during my breakfast walk down to the beach are being swept clean by the early arrivals and on my way back to the New Star late at night are covered with typical female paraphernelia like lipstick, make-up material, platform shoes - high heeled lady's shoes and very popular in this part of the world -, food remnants, empty Coca Cola bottles, Chang beer cans with the straw still sticking out, water bottles, Thai cartoons and the like...

Whenever a male Farang walks by the girls call at them the inevitable "hey, sexy man, come inside please, me make good for you" and whenever a Farang walks out of the place - usually with a big satisfied grin on his face - the motorbike cabbies will call out to them hoping for some transport business...

The numerous bars in this Soi are another source of high pitched female voices whenever poor Moi or any other unattached Farang male has the blo*dy nerves to walk by...a game of four on four with the poorly educated Isan female bar ladies whose English is nothing to write home about but surely sufficient to explain their desires to spend the night elsewhere, enjoying an overpriced lady's drink on the Farang acount...when the client's pockets have been professionally emptied of Thai dough, the bar fee paid for his nightly companion, the motortaxi cabbies will smell business once again...

The Intown Hotel across the Soi from New Star is busy too with male Farang guests dragging back the ladies of their choice, one after the other and I seriously wonder if that little blue wonder pill called Viagra - or maybe the cheaper Asian version called Kamagra - is included in the room price...any one way, when the ladies come back out, maybe half an hour or so later, unattached this time but with at least 500 Baht more in the lady's wallet, the motorbike cabbies will call out again...after all these ladies of the night have just made their money and are doubtlessly unwilling to walk back to the boulevard on their high heels...a brisking trade is in full swing here in my Soi 24/7 with me often sitting outside the New Star gulping down cold Ancha beer...

Sh*t, my beer is almost empty and once again I too will have to brave all the aforementioned "dangers" on my way to the Family Mart or the Seven/11 in this mad and lively Soi, for another cold Ancha, or maybe a cold Leo though they are 7 Baht more expensive...