Denial of the truth

Holland, Amsterdam,
23 Aug. 2010.

Not really sure I am all that happy with Nong's voice back inside La Mia Testa, besieging me with all this Karma induced cr*p, mental attacks at all times of the day, reminding me of all the things having gone wrong in my life...after all according to Gandhi Violence Is Temporary But The Evil It Does Is Eternal...and how a simple undereducated Isan lady of the night knows about the teachings of Gandhi, a certain proof that my sub-conscious is playing tricks on me or else she is using Per's - her Norwegian sugar daddy - Kroner frân Norje to finally get herself the education she lacked when she was a mere kid playing in the dusty village streets of Loi-Et up in northern Thailand....

Not really sure if I am all that happy with Rob - one of these booze addicted park drunks - running down my door in a wild chase for five Euro, coffee shop money never to be seen again...his unwashed clothes, his chiselled face the result of years of unhealthy living, the stale smell of beer and heavy tabacco hanging around him, leaving my www.couchsurfing.org visitors in a sort of bewilderment, seriously wondering if they have ended up on the couch of a professional alcoholic...

Not really sure if I am all that happy with Magriet - aka as Miss Domenica and my boss at the Kinderboerderij where I do my volunteer job - constantly and blatantly trying to turn me into her personal manservant...a hyper lesbian master who needs her unpaid employees to go on their knees for her and pay homage to the Holy Grand Dame, meanwhile shovelling horse manure all day, hard work and no pay, Pas De Merci, Ondank Is Wereld's Loon as the Dutch say and sorry I said sorry Magriet...

Not really sure if I am happy with the way I deal with all this cr*p in my life, maybe lacking the spiritual discipline, a strange pursuit of suffering or else forgetting that denial of the truth is the dealiest form of denial at all...